When Chronic Pain Changes a Life, Don’t Let Friendship Fade

The Case Manager

This week, I lost a good friend. She was a case management colleague whom I respected and admired, and I will miss her.

My friend was a dynamic, active person until a few years ago, when a car accident aggravated a neck injury she had sustained years earlier.

She sought medical care to relieve her pain and eventually agreed to what she understood would be a minimally invasive procedure. However, during surgery, her physician discovered more extensive damage than anticipated and performed a more involved operation. Unfortunately, her condition worsened after surgery, and she was eventually diagnosed with Failed Back Surgery Syndrome (FBSS), now often referred to as Persistent Spinal Pain Syndrome Type 2.

This condition describes persistent or recurring spinal pain following surgery. It does not necessarily mean a surgical error occurred, but for those affected, the physical and emotional consequences can be devastating.

My friend was never the same.

Her pain became so debilitating that she could no longer live independently. She moved in with her daughter and family, who helped care for her. Once an active and engaged professional, she became increasingly isolated and depressed.

I stayed in touch with her, calling to see how she was doing and sharing news about colleagues, friends, and the case management organization we had in common. I wanted her to know she had not been forgotten.

A few weeks ago, she was hospitalized with pneumonia and subsequently transferred to a rehabilitation facility because she had become so debilitated.

Her daughter was told that although her mother could walk with a walker, she should not be left alone. Unfortunately, during her stay, she suffered a fall from her wheelchair and fractured her hip.

She died a few days later.

Her daughter called to tell me, knowing I would want to know. As we talked, we both found some comfort in knowing that she was no longer suffering from the relentless pain that had consumed so much of her life.

Why Am I Sharing This Story?

As case managers and healthcare professionals, we see firsthand how chronic pain and illness can change a person's life.

We focus on treatment plans, medications, procedures, rehabilitation, and functional outcomes. But sometimes we overlook the emotional and social consequences of living with chronic pain.

People who were once active, independent, and socially connected may gradually withdraw because they are exhausted, depressed, or simply unable to participate in activities they once enjoyed.

And sometimes, without meaning to, their friends and colleagues stop reaching out.

Not because they don't care, but because life gets busy, they don't know what to say, or they assume the person would rather be left alone.

The Role of Case Managers in Keeping Injured Workers Connected

Case managers can play an important role in helping injured workers maintain their social connections during recovery. Encourage family members to include the person in family activities whenever possible, adapting plans to accommodate their limitations. Employers can also help by encouraging co-workers to stay in touch through phone calls, cards, or occasional visits, respecting the injured worker's wishes. These simple gestures can remind someone who is struggling that they are still part of the team and have not been forgotten.

These connections may seem small, but when someone is struggling with chronic pain, they can make an enormous difference.

A phone call, text message, card, or invitation to visit can remind someone that they are still valued and remembered. You don't have to solve their problems or take away their pain. Sometimes, simply listening and letting them know you care is enough.

There is also an important lesson here for case managers. We cannot predict every outcome of surgery or treatment, but we can help patients understand their options, ask questions, weigh potential risks and benefits, and make informed decisions. When treatment does not produce the hoped-for results, our responsibility to support the person does not end.

One resource I have found helpful when learning about chronic pain is Dr. David Hanscom, a spine surgeon who shares his personal experience and approaches to managing chronic pain through his website, Back in Control. His work emphasizes the connection between physical and emotional health and the importance of helping people regain a sense of control over their lives. While not every chronic pain condition can be cured, there are approaches that may help people improve their quality of life.

My Message to You

If you have a friend, family member, colleague, or neighbor living with chronic pain or a debilitating illness, please reach out.

Don't wait for them to call you. Don't assume they are too sick to talk or that someone else is checking on them.

Let them know they are remembered. Share a story, a laugh, or simply ask how they are doing.

Looking back, I am grateful that I stayed in touch with my friend. I could not take away her pain or change what happened to her, but I could remind her that she mattered and had not been forgotten.

My friend was a case manager who dedicated much of her professional life to helping others. I hope that by sharing her story, she continues to teach us one more important lesson: Never underestimate the difference you can make simply by staying connected.

Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give someone who is suffering is the reassurance that they are not alone.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week, and please take a few minutes today to reconnect with someone you haven't heard from in a while.

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