Too Much? Or Exactly Enough? 

Leadership Link

The Issue: When Women Are Told They Are “Too” Something 

Too loud. 

Too bold. 

Too sensitive. 

Too ambitious. 

Too emotional. 

Too intense. 

Women have been handed these labels for generations, often not as feedback but as warnings to shrink. While the language may sound personal, the impact is structural: it teaches women to modulate their presence, question their instincts, and internalize the message that they are a problem to be managed. 

Being “too much” becomes code for “you are making others uncomfortable with your power.” 

What if we turned the volume up instead of dialing down our truth? 

What if every “too” was actually a clue to where our leadership lives? 

The truth is this: You are not too much. You are exactly enough. 

Why It Is Challenging 

1. Early conditioning teaches women to be palatable. From a young age, girls are praised for being quiet, sweet, and agreeable. 

2. There is a workplace bias against strong expression. Assertive women are seen as aggressive, while the same traits are praised in men. 

3. Fear of rejection or backlash. Many women have learned that taking up space leads to isolation or exclusion. 

4. Trauma from past feedback. Repeated criticism can create emotional scars that influence self-censorship. 

5. Perfectionism reinforces self-editing. Women often believe they must appear "just right" to be accepted and respected. 

What We Can Do for Ourselves: Reclaiming Our Fullness as Power 

1. Redefine “Too Much” as a Signal of Strength 

When someone calls you too assertive, too passionate, or too driven, ask yourself: “Am I actually being powerful?” Reframe the feedback: “Too intense” might mean you are focused. “Too emotional” might mean you are invested. Recognize that many “too much” moments are when you were actually being most alive, most bold, most yourself. Keep a “Too Much” journal to reclaim each label and write what it actually means. Own your fullness. Your whole self is where your impact lives. 

2. Practice Showing Up Unapologetically 

Wear what you want. Speak how you speak. Take up physical and energetic space. Say what you mean without softening your truth. If your voice shakes or your heart pounds, show up anyway. Your courage is visible. Remind yourself: There is no gold star for self-abandonment. You do not owe the world a quieter version of yourself to be lovable or effective. 

3. Honor the Parts of You Others Tried to Diminish 

Write down what you were once told to tone down and explore how that trait serves you now. Let your sensitivity be your source of empathy. Let your intensity drive your vision. Understand that your emotionality is not a liability; it is information, intuition, and energy. Embrace the boldness that once made others uncomfortable. Boldness is likely the root of your innovation. What someone once tried to silence may be your leadership superpower. 

4. Create Boundaries Around Self-Worth 

Not all feedback is valid. Some are projections. Some are fear. Some are biases. If you are being called “too much” in the context of clarity, strength, or honesty, check the source before you shrink. Practice the mantra: “Their discomfort is not my responsibility.” You can be kind and direct. Soft and powerful. Warm and unyielding. Boundaries are not just about others—they are how you protect your full expression. 

5. Surround Yourself with People Who Say “More, Please” 

Find communities, mentors, and colleagues who celebrate your boldness. Pay attention to who invites your truth and asks you to dim your light. Share space with women who do not flinch when you get big, loud, or vulnerable. You deserve to be in rooms where your power is normalized, not feared. When you find those rooms, be that person for others, too. 

How to Support Others: Shifting the Narrative Around “Too Much” 

1. Eliminate “Too” Language from Feedback 

Replace vague phrases like “too intense” or “too emotional” with specific, respectful observations. Ask: “Is this feedback about effectiveness or how someone made me feel?" Understand that calling someone “too much” often says more about the giver than the receiver. Give feedback that guides growth, not feedback that encourages shrinking. Think back to when you heard the phrase, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Encourage growth. Avoid tone policing. Focus on content and intention. 

2. Celebrate Big Energy, Big Ideas, Big Feelings 

When a woman brings passion, celebrate it. Acknowledge expressive leadership as valuable, not disruptive. Create space in meetings for people to speak freely, without modulation. Encourage women to trust their instincts and express themselves without self-editing. Praise clarity, power, and volume, not just diplomacy and control.  

3. Challenge Internalized Bias When You Hear It 

If you hear someone say, “She’s just a lot,” ask what they actually mean. Ask them to help you understand what that phrase is stating. Help people reframe strength as strength, not intimidation. Teach others to sit with intensity instead of trying to manage it. Point out the double standards between how men and women are described. Lead with curiosity, not correction, but lead, nonetheless. 

4. Model Fullness in Your Own Leadership 

Speak with presence. Move with intention. Share your ideas without minimizing language. Do not apologize for interrupting with something important. Laugh loudly, express joy, ask direct questions, show care openly. Let others see what leadership looks like when it is unfiltered and fully expressed. Be the person you once needed. 

5. Be a Mirror That Reflects Wholeness 

Tell women: “You are not too much. You are powerful.” Notice when they hold back and gently ask: “What would it feel like to say that fully?” Offer real validation, not just compliments. Affirm their right to show up fully. Give feedback that makes people feel seen, not sized down. Reflect back their radiance so they never forget it. Support, encourage, and show up. 

You Are Not Too Much—You Are a Force 

If someone has ever told you to dial it down, smile more, speak less, or shrink, hear this: 

You are not too much. 

You are not a problem to solve. 

You are not here to be palatable. 

You are exactly enough. 

Say it. Wear it. Own it. 

And then go set the world on fire.  

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