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I "DO" nothing anymore
I remember when My son Daniel (he was 2)had a hi fever I couldnt get it down he was so ill ....we took him to the ER and the ladies aid had made these teddy bears out of cotton material they were real simple just 2 sides to em...they had used colored magic markers to paint in the face......we called it our 3000 dollar bear......but it gave Daniel something to hold onto in a strange and scary place....
........I love cats, I just cant eat a whole one by myself......

I can't really say I am in a chipper mood all the time either and find myself thinking the same thoughts as you, Lilly. No one can get me out of that pesamistic mood or off my pitty pot till I'm good and ready, mostly because of my stubborness. There are a few things that I still enjoy and a few new ones also.
>>>We probably should not have done it but we bought ourselves a Wii for Christmas and with the right games it provided me with some physical activity through the colder months.I walk on my treadmill and try to continue with the activities that I learned when going through pulmonary rehab. Since the weather has warmed up I walk to the post office (24 blocks round trip) to pick up my mail instead of driving and also walk to the bank to deposit my measly TTD check. I am definitely domesticly challenged but I do more house work and cooking since my wife is the only one working now. I am now the chief grocery shopper/appointment maker/errand runner/bill payer/check book balancer/and dishwasher now, plus whatever I forgot too.
>>>We recently purchased a Wii Fit board and provides some new challenges along with different physical activities other than walking. There is Yoga , balance games, aerobics and strength training games on it.
>>> I still miss going to work and and the friends that I worked with but it looks like that is gone for now but some where down the road God has a special place for me somewhere and hopefully I won't screw it up when it gets here for me.
Nothing changes when nothing changes
Hi Lilly. This is an excellent subject for all people with injuries from diseases to work. When I was told I was not going to work anymore, my life ended for almost 1 1/2 years. I slept continuously and what I was doing was reliving my old life through dreams. I prefered to be asleep versus awake and live in the nightmare I found myself in. I went through many emotional issues related to the doc's overdosing me on steriods to calm my activity. I gained about 50 lbs while on this medication and I just felt as though I had nothing left to live or give of me.

Sometimes between all the healing drugs and the changes, depression is a major factor. Lack of activity and sleepiness is a common sympton of Major depression.

When you called this thread about "I do nothing," my heart leaped because that is exactly how I feel most of the time. I know the other side of the forum teases me about taking it easy or do not do so much so on and so on, but the reality is I do nothing any compared to my past life. At one time, I was the director of nursing of a 530 bed facility. It was 4 buildings that came together with a breeze ways. I would go in about 4-5 am...and leave about 7 pm or later each night. I often didn't even have time to grab a lunch. I had over 600 employees who reported to indirectly, but still the same I was responsible for them. I had a secretary who laid out my schedule filled with meetings with boards, and meetings with staff..or my boss or the managers and many more. I had a great deal of respect and of this was with MS, and before this I was an Officer in the Navy.

With the loss of job comes changes in your mind because you are not always thinking at a higher level of thinking, loss of respect, loss of finances, loss of feeling like a member of society, and so much more. AT this point, what does a person do, I went to sleep. Due to the forum, you included, I have been much more active. I hvae been more involved in my art suddenly because I had put it down in 2005 and thought I would never pick it up again. I even gave away most of what I had as inventory. I tore down my old studio and that was that...then I found all of you. Now I paint something every day, I spend about 2 hours of cleaning, about 3 - 5 hours on the computer, do some voluntary teaching, and currently am working on developing a MS support goup in my neighbor hood. I found otu that their 9 people in my neighbor hood who have MS. All at different points of the disease. I am really anxious to get this going when I return from the castle. So I truly try to keep very busy, however, keep in mind what I did before this disease pulled me out of work..so what I do now is nothing compared to my life before.

Lilly I started by giving myself one thing to do each day. It started with this forum and researching 2 questions that I would find the research fasinating. Then I added to that, one room in the house for cleaning each day. Then I added the ketchen to be cleaned each day etc. From there I went to adding another outside project once a week, and now I am doing them about twice a week. Some where I added doing art with my grand kids once a week etc. That is how I did it..and I maintain a calendar. Doctor's appointents were worked in somewhere etc. Since Last year, I have been or Oregon twice, driving there and back. We have been to DC again once. We went to Virginia to a water park and also to Bush gardens. I now have a house to remodel which truly has been a royal pain, but once done it will be worth the wait. So I guess in some ways I am very busy, but not as I was before. I Keep a schedule all day of what I want to acomplish for that day...and this could go on and on, but I think I have said enough for you to have an idea how I changed all of that for me. The other thing was I broke down and use the adaptive equipment such as canes, rolling walkers or my wheel chair..and what I have found, is I tend to have more energy to do the above... I hope this makes since.. you will feel better ifyou add something more things to you life and then at the end of day, that just as before, you can feel great about your accomplishments and day...Best Wishes...Red
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Thank you Red for posting your answer. You are so right. Recently when the depression hit again I started to see a counselor. Since I wasn't crazy about her I didn't see her for too long but did gain what I was looking for. She asked me why I was there. Belive me I forgot all about this until I read your post. Hubby's illness and my pain have knocked me out. Anyway when Asked why I was there I told her I wanted to live again and had no idea after raising children and working since I was 19 how to do that or what if anything I had interest in.

Ideas she gave me: while going to or from a Dr.s appt; stop in a different church. Not yours. Just any church of any denomination,stop in between appt. in a starbucks and maybe have a cup of tea if you don't drink coffee. You can spend an hour there reading the paper, a book,. magazine, while waiting for your next appt., certain book stores you can go upstairs and read any magazine or book for free. Volunteer anywhere to do anything you feel you can handle. Even if it's one hour a week. I did try some of these things before hubby got sick and then became too emotional to do anything again. Yes they did work. She also suggested as Red has to pick something to do everyday, doesn't much matter what, but do it. It's an accomplishment. We all look at our day as we did when we were working and feel worthless at times. We're not. Just have to change our way of thinking and make ourselves free again. Just in a different way.

You are all sooooo sweet and caring! I'd be lost without my forum friends/family! You all boost me into a lighter mood! Thank you.

I sleep continually....I feel ridiculous and lazy about it. But I get these waves that come over me where I must lay down...Now! I take so many meds...for the heart ailments, lupus, and my injury...i swear, my stomach rattles when i walk! i know these meds are making me sleepy all the time, and my cardio has adjusted some of my meds to try to relieve the drowsy symptoms....but it hasn't helped. Besides that...."Pain itself" is tiring, as it wears you down.
I do try to meet with my girlfriends at least once a week....sometimes we go to starbucks for coffee, sometimes my house, sometimes their's...and we also lunch on occasion....but i just have an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness, laziness, lack of vigor to say the least....and I'm so sick of it....I used to be soooo vibrant, spry, full of energy like the Ever-Ready Bunny, and NEVER depressed...it's now simply gone.
Prayers for all, LillySmile
Injured worker, & tired of it all! I'm too old for games!!

A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life, a timely word may level stress, and a loving word may heal and bless!
I feel like I am living off my children and don't like the feeling. Before my injury I was very busy all the time, between working full time as a ER nurse and raising the children on the farm. Due to injury tried to return to being a director of nursing and that was a very hard thing as I missed working with my patients and making a difference with there lives. I've had to learn to use my non domiant hand to write with and at my age that was not easy. Had to give up the furniture buildinng that I did as a stress reducer and joy for my children to see. The kids use to give me a list early in the year of the piece of furinture they would like to have for Christmas and I would spend the time to make them. Yes real furiture, Tables, cabients, toy chest, entertainment center and bed room suites. That is gone. The quilts that are cut out and have become difficult to put together now.

But have learn to make the best of each day. Do as much as I can, cleaning the house, still like to mow the yard when I can get someone to start the mower, I can't start it but still enjoy mowing it. It is a self propelled so all I have to do is walk behind it.

When I get down my children remind me that I took care of them when they were growing up, the least they can do is take care of me now. Don't know how I could be so lucky but greatful they feel that way.

Still hold out that I will find a job within my restrictions and be able to use the knowledge as a nurse to make this world a better place.

There is a many a day if it wasn't for all the wonderful friends here on the forum that I would get really down, you all make a difference in my life. If it is just to share in a problem or rejoice in a joy it mean a lot, for that I thank all of you.
May God send his angels to hold you in his arms
Lilly, I know exactly how You Feel, these Injuries effect us all in some way. My Injury of the Lower Back has left Me doing Very Little. I Hunted, Road Motorcycles, Wrestled with the Grand Kids, and so much More. It's hard to adapt in Situations Like these, but We have to do the Best We can. Hang in there, I Hope Your Spirits Rise, and You become Happy and More Content!!Wink
Lilly, I want to answer your post but I just can't right now. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Take care!
Let Go, and Let God......
Lilly you mentioned medications in your other post. I did find that their was two medications that caused serve sleepiness when I was sleeping all the time also. I talked to my doctor about lowering them slowing and then I (on my own - but do not suggest this for everyone, not a great idea especially if you do not understand contraindications and reasons for talking your drugs -everyone should follow doctors advice, not mine when it comes to drugs ok..) kept a schedule of sleep patterns, drug schedules etc. After about a month of doing this each day, I realized that their where these two drugs really messing with my head. The dizziness would start worst that my typical, and then I would just fall asleep even setting at the table to eat a meal. They were all gone about the same time I came on here and I have been much better. However, I know I went to sleep for so long because of many reasons which included: depression, MS changes, medications, nothing to do (or at least nothing to do that I thought was important such as having a job etc), boredom, inability to maintain attention to complete a project etc. There are a lot of reason we all make these changes than just an injury..it really comes down to our ability to cope with the changes our injury has made in our lives. How many say that they have put on pounds of weight since there injury. This is most likely related to boredom, having more time and being in the house with less activity. This is a situation that can add more depression for you and cause a need to sleep the day away. Additionally pain adds more depression for us all. Best Wishes Lilly... you can make some simple changes that you have control over and then I believe you will feel better as I have since I added more to my life....love Red
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Hi Lily,

I use to feel the same way. But then I realized that God has it under control. Strangely enough being injured made me for active in church. I started going to bible study, vacation bible study, both services on sunday and I teach and help with the youth ministry and sing in the choir. Before all I did was go to church once on sunday and crack open the bible when I got there.

So I feel and know that this injury was for God's purpose. I can't change how people act, but I can my reaction towards their behavior. I've become much calmer and try to be conscience of the fact that they're many people in much dire consequences who are laid up in a bed on a ventilator and their families have to fight the fight for them. I'm blessed that I can fight this fight with the Lord's help. I suspect I was being disobedient in the things he asked me to do in regards to doing his work, so he sat me down for a spell to have a little chat with me and set me on the right path. Sometimes when we aren't listening to God, he will find a way to get the quality time he desires and will definitely find a way to make you pay attention. That's what this situation has done for me. Find out what this situation can do for you. Find the positive in it, find the serenity in it, find the coping mechanism that works for you that brings peace and balance to your life in a positive light.

Try and find the positive in every situation. I try not to complain....I cry sometimes when no one is around and then I ask God to comfort me and give me strength to endure another day. It's hard when you're use to doing activities and feeling vibrant and alive, but IT'S UP TO YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL THAT WAY. You can't wait on some ephipany to hit you upside the head, you are still the person you were before inside, find a way to present that to others and be active with the limitations you have. THERE IS A WAY IF YOU HAVE THE WILL.


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