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Where is my heart? I will tell you that just a few years ago I thought that I had lost it.And as the story goes....
It has been a little over ten years now when I first met Robert.We were friends for about a year.I was a single parent with a daughter 10 years old and barely making a living for us,my first lesson in not being dependent on others to survive.Now I was thrust into going out in the world and knowing I had to do it for myself and my daughter.Robert was kind to us and knew how hard I was having it.He had an extra room in his house and offered it to us to stay there.I accepted,as we were good friends by then.Something changed not long after we moved in or maybe I hadn't noticed it before.Robert had fallen madly in love with me.I use the word madly,because it became a madness or I might say it he was obsessed with me.I had no idea how dangerous that would become.
I was now in his house with my daughter and all seemed fine.I was working and we were happy.Robert started buying my jewelry and clothes and finally told me that he was undeniably in love with me.I cared a great deal for him also.He asked me to marry him and I accepted.I thought that my daughter and I would finally be able to put our lives back in order again.
We were married in October on Stevie Ray Vaughn's birthday.It was not planned,but Robert loved that fact,because he loved his music so.A few weeks later I realized that something was terribly wrong.I had married someone so obsessed with me that I might not have the right look in my eyes and he would go berserk that I didn't love him after all.I was living in a nightmare and I became weaker and weaker as the tentacles of pain became stronger.
One night we had gone done the street to get something at the store.We were gone for about an hour or so. When we came back,our house was engulfed in flames.The fire department wass there and all the neighbors.My daughter and I stood there screaming as one firefighter said to me" You have just lost everything you own." My little yorkshire terrier was inside that house.I cried for him,not the stuff that I had lost.My heart had then become more shattered than I thought was imaginable.Robert and I had at that point been married two months.It was also his birthday on the day of the fire.
I didn't have a problem with the loss of the "stuff",because I knew all could be replaced. My pictures had been in a closet next to the water heater and most were saved from burning.Robert did not take it so well on his losses. He went into a depression and very deep.
These were some of the things that I had experienced with him.And all was not good.One night Robert came home and he was drunk. He started screaming at me not two inches from my face and then he picked me up from the ground by my hair.I am 5 feet two and 120 lbs. Robert was 6 feet two and 220 lbs.I felt like a small child would feel when being abused by an adult.There is nothing like this on earth to feel not so much the physical pain,but the emotional pain that someone who supposedly loves you so much could do this to you.
It was over between us,but the pain I went through had left me with a whole in my heart for sometime after.That is where my heart was at that time.
Now I can tell you a different story and this one goes on like this....
Today,years later,I am totally independent,same job for over 6 years.There are two wonderful people that I adore and nothing will change that.It is my daughter and my 5 year old granddaughter. Now I am trying to soothe my daughter's heart as she and her husband have broken up. And yes,she left him because of his emotional abuse towards her.She is having a tough time of letting go of their relationship,but she has family and friends who stand by her side with much love.
I am not in a relationship with anyone at this time,but with my injuries and taking care of family I have put a hold on dating,etc. I was bitter for a long time,but I am free of the past and today I am happy and glad to be alive.I see things so differently now. I do stop to smell the roses and my heart is full on life itself! This is where my heart lives today.

*My terrier that died in the fire I had named Apollo.In Greek Mythology Apollo went into the firey hell and he arose.I never knew that until after the fire.I believe he did rise up and is waiting for me in heaven.

**Robert died in March from liver cancer. I can't describe the feelings that I went through.The man that so loved me and hurt me was gone.I cried for days and then I felt a freeing of the past that I thought had already left me.And I will always,even after all that I went through,love Robert deep in my heart.
God bless us all.
I just moved and got my computer up and running. I thought I had until February 14th to post. Sorry.

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