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daughter's update
#11
Halftrak,
I'm very happy for you, that your daughter is getting the help she needs. I have also had to deal with a person that got addicted to drugs, by being with the wrong crowd. He was my ex-fiance,we were together for 7&1/2 years, and the drugs changed him so much. He ended up becoming violent and I had to get a restraining order against him, which was for 3 years. This was his wake up call, I guess you could say that is when he realized that he hit rock bottom. Right before I moved back to the East coast(we were on the West coast), he came to me and said that he was clean and sober and wanted another chance, but I had to remind him of the fact that he lost my trust with his violent actions, and all of the things that he stole from me and sold for drugs. I knew that he would be OK, because he was living with a family member and they were keeping him on the straight and narrow. This wasn't a child, this was a grown man and he still became involved in the drugs and had to learn the hard way about the consequences of his actions. I'm so glad that you are there for your daughter and showing her your support for her to get better and away from the evil of the drugs. Prayers are with you and all that have had to deal with another's addiction. I know how it feels to be on that end.
Take care
Vickie
 
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#12


halftrak>>>>>>> I also know alcoholism and drug addiction very closely. I have been lucky that nothing has ever bitten me but love some who have had the "monkey " on their backs.

I need you to know that when you go to visit your daughter and the baby you will have so many of us there with you in thought just clapping and crying when you see each other. What a wonderful reunion. I know this isn't over by any means but how happy I am that all has made it this far. God bless.

CAP
 
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#13
Thanks Cap,I appreciate all the support from you and everyone else on this forum, nice to know I am not alone,I guess I was a little ashamed not only of my kid but at my own parenting skills, so I had layed a big guilt trip on myself, but a parent can only raise their child and hope for the best.It really helps though to talk to you guys about this.My problem with the guilt trip was that when my daughter was a teen I was working 10 to 12 hours a day to provide her and her siblings with everything I never had as a kid. So yes my kids were spoiled, We all live and learn I guess, Thanks Halftrak
no matter where you're at there you are
 
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#14


Halftrak>>>let me be honest about parenting. We do the best we can and hope for the best. Children that come from so called "best of families" end up on the street, on drugs, etc. Children from broken homes end up Attorneys, Dr.s, etc. My first husband had a problem and when I tell you his parents were both from hell. My second husband also had a problem and his parents were Angel's. Hubby has been clean for so many years now I forget how long it's been. Be good to yourself. My middle daughter passed in a horrible auto accident at age 21. It's been 10 years and ridiculously I still feel I could have prevented it. Parenting is not easy.

God bless,
CAP
 
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#15
halftak I agree with cap in that parenting is very difficult. I believe that parenting is our most important role in life, however, I also believe all a parent can do is give someone the tools to make decisions. What is the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Parenting is like that also. As they grow we give them what we have in terms of belief's, values, standards etc and hope that the foundation they are building with all of these things are strong enough to hold back the storms. I use to always say to my staff and to my kids that I can open the doors of opportunity for you, what matters is what you do with the opportunity once you walk through the door. Kids adults all have needs and vulnerabilities. If that area where they are vulnerable or have a need is attacked by maybe a group of people with belief's that appear at first to be someone off the track that you gave them, but still close enough to be ok, then kids will often take a step off believing that they can step right back on that path when they chose to do it. With drugs, kids don't have a chance to ever see that path again without help. I know you were beating yourself up. I understand, becasue I would be also. I had several issues with my youngest daughter when she was in her teens and I never would have guessed that her road to recovery would be what it was. Now she is only 28 years old, the mother of two great daughters, regional healthcare administrator in a nursing agency where she drives into three states to over see the organization. She is remarkable. She has been married to the same man who is a nurse now and they are remarkable together. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that she would pull through it to this, but she did. She had a rock to fall back on and we got her the help that she needed. Kids/Adults can bounce back. My prayer is that 2 years from now, or even 5 years from now, you and your daughter can look back on this and know that this was the pivitol moment for both of you and that you have survived and you are now content with your life. My thoughts are with you. Love love love is what they need. Acceptance is very important. The ability to separate the behavior from the person is also important. At least it was for my daughter. Red
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
 
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#16
HalfTrak

I am so glad that your daughter is getting the help that she needs and that she is able to have her daughter there with her at the same time. As she learns what her habit has done to her and how to cope with the yearning that she will have for some time to come .. she will also be able to raise her child and keep your granddaughter from making the same mistake that she did.

Yes, I talk from experience (although I never went through rehab). I was addicted to crystal meth (pure uncut "ICE") while in the military and stationed in San Diego. I knew the 2 biggest dealers in town and because of my connection to the military, I would get a free "8 ball " as they called it every Friday from one or the other. I hid it for almost a year from co-workers and command till they popped me on a UA. I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest daughter at the time. Luckily, there were no side effects when she was born and she is very healthy to this day.

I met my 1st ex-husband 2 months after she was born, and he moved me out of the area I had been living in and about 25 miles from the dealers. My older sister flew out to SD and took my son back to CO where my folks raised him for 6 months while I went cold turkey and detoxed myself. There were times, later in life when I would start craving it again, but I knew that if I went back to it, it would be the end for me.

Give your daughter and grandbaby big hugz and kisses when you see them next, and always .. always let her know how much you love her and how proud you are of her taking this step in her life. I would never have made it had it not been for the love of friends and family.

Angel ^j^
I've always been crazy, but it keeps me from going insane.
************
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open
 
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#17
HalfTrak
Sorry to hear of the problems with your daughter. We have been going through similar problems with my oldest step-daughter. Are you doing anything to help yourself deal with your situation like conselling and or support groups? It has been a few years but I have been involved with ALANON to help get myself through problems of my own with an alcoholic/drug addicted brother and dysfunctional family in general. I also bought some books to read to help also. One book I bought was " Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It was very helpful to me reading about others with similar problems and their life stories. Here is a link to this lady's web page
http://www.melodybeattie.com/index.html
Maybe it will help a bit.Smile
Hang in there!! Remember your are not alone.
Nothing changes when nothing changes
 
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#18



CD>>>>> great book. It saved my life.

CAP
 
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#19
wow you guys are great, guess what I got a letter from my daughter today and her and the baby are just fine.I am going down there this weekend for a visit and might bring the baby home for a day or so it is only a hour's drive anyways from home.All she asked for was a couple of toys for my granddaughter and some personal items also some pictures to hang on her wall.She is in group therapy now and the baby is in daycare while she has group, I am very proud of her for realizing she needed to do something fast.This time she has with her baby will do them both good.I will check out that book or cd, thanks, don't know about therapy for myself, maybe in a while but not right now, thought about it a lot though.probably wouldn't hurt.Thanks for sharing your stories with all of us. It just goes to show no one is perfect, we all make mistakes just as long as we learn from them right?Love you guys, Halftrak
no matter where you're at there you are
 
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#20
What a wonderful and cleansing thread!
See halftrak.....YOU are not alone in your battle! We ALL have our skeletons.
Prayers going up for everyone!! LillySmile
Injured worker, & tired of it all! I'm too old for games!!

A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life, a timely word may level stress, and a loving word may heal and bless!
 
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