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The past few days haven't been the best for me, so have only posted sporadically. I didn't want to make the holiday season depressing for my family here. But I just need to let go of some crud and try to get my life back !!

Over the weekend, I went into a severe depression. Even had thoughts about ending it all with some of the different meds that I have here at home. I just couldn't take the pain and sleepless nights any longer. And now that I had my last appointment with my ortho Dr, I know why I was in such a funk.

As you all know, I had tarsal tunnel release on my right foot back on October 22, and I was due to return to work on Friday. Well, the Dr wants me to use the last four weeks of FMLA so that I can go to a cronic pain center to be tested for RSD/CRPS in my foot.

My appointment was scheduled for 2:45. and I was finally placed in a room at 3:05. Imagine my despair as I sat there and watched the minutes pass as he treated patient after patient ..most with appointments later than mine. He finally came in at 4:30 and told me that the reason he had me wait, is because he didn't want his other patients to see me crying when I left. He stopped my PT and said that there is nothing more that he can do for me, other than to send me to a cronic pain center. He's not sure that there is a local one within my network for insurance, and that I may have to go out of network to the nearest one in Dallas. I am waiting for his assistant to schedule the appointment for me, and then let me know when it is.

I am also waiting on a call from Aetna in regards to extending my fmla and std. I have three days to get the paperwork to the Dr so he can fill it out, get it back, fax it in and then wait for the decision on whether they will extend or not. If they don't, I haven't a clue as to what I am going to do. There is no way that I can concentrate on my job with all the pain that I am in, and 2 of the three meds the Dr has me on make me sleepy and disoriented. One of those catch 22's.. danged if you do and danged if you don't.

It doesn't help that the holiday season is rough on me anyway. I would prefer to pull the blankets up over my head and just hibernate till the middle of January. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to do so, so pretend much of the time that there is nothing wrong .. and that just adds to the depression.

Hope that y'all have a wonderful holiday season. If I don't post much between now and about the 2nd week of January, now you know why. Y'all stay as painfree as your injuries will let you.

Angel ^j^
I've always been crazy, but it keeps me from going insane.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open
hey Lady talk to sithie as she also has it in her ankle....maybe she can give you heads up on some things to include a shot that might have stopped it if given soon enough...join the depression club we have a huge membership during this time of year
........I love cats, I just cant eat a whole one by myself......

sorry angel will pray for you to get some answers and be pain free wish i could do more but the holidays depress me so im not myself right now please talk to someone and take care of yourself we love ya
worry changes nothing prayer changes every thing

Please don't go and hide... I know I haven't been around much. Been very busy...but for some reason this morning I felt I needed to come and check on all my friend here....and it must of been just for you. Please know I live with RSD and have now for over two years. Yes it is very scary. But with a good pain Dr. and with time to find the right medications you will come to learn how to cope with RSD. I will not say it is easy....but I will promise I will be here for you. And I know the others here will also be here for you. You have also talked about your wonderful family. So you will be fine. You must find the right Dr that is very important. My life should calm down soon and I will be around much more....if you would like my phone number I would talk with you any time. Please now you are a fighter....and we are here for you.
Angel,I am not good at a lot of things,but I am very good at prayers,so you will be getting mine.You can pm me any time.And I can also give you my cell number if you would like to talk.And know that many people care and love you.
Angel you will be in my prayers...and my thoughts. Red
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having more problems with your foot. I hope that you get everything done that is needed. Feel free to PM me if you want. I wish that we could all have the magic words to make all of our pain and suffering go away, but unfortuantly we don't. We do have each other here, so please reach out anytime you feel the need to. You are loved and cared about very much. I too have a very hard time during this time of year, and being in pain doesn't help matters any. Good luck and keep us posted.

Angel - you are in my prayers sweetie and I hope they can find you a good pain management doc somewhere locally. I thought your neck of the woods had grown large enough that you wouldn't have to travel out of the city limits. I can't remember how far Dallas is but I thought it was 3 - 4 hours. I sure hope you don't have to go through a long drive on top of everything else. Please take care my friend, we are here for you if you need us.

Love ya,
Please click the link below to help provide food for homeless animals. It's free and only takes a second of your time! Thanks Smile

Angel...we are all here for you and call any of us if you need to...we are here to listen and help you thru this...my prayers are also with you...
Hopefully the doctor gave you something for depression. I myself have been on Cymbalta since all this has happened to me. I lost my career, and not able to ride the brand new harley i bought a few months before my injury due to my throttle hand. I am depressed and cry at a drop of a dime when on the subject of my career. I wanted to be taken off the Cymbalta as i have so many drugs i am on from the pain clinic i go to monthly. They are certainly wonderful people at the clinic that try to get your pain under control. They will offer you different meds to relieve your pain, and just be honest if you still do not think they are working. That is what they are there for. To change your meds till you get some relief.

Alot of meds have side effects of course. Like i state on here many times, i loved the methadone for pain. Unfortunatly i sweat so bad and ended up with a rash and itching so bad i had to come off them. Maybe you will want to try them when you get to the pain clinic doc. I went through so many drugs before them and i truely can say it worked the best out of all. 20 mg was all i took daily.

I too use to lay in bed curled up in a ball crying in pain and not wanting anything to do with life before i got my meds under control. The pain is undescribeable as you know. I will tell you that thinking about leaving this world is the wrong idea. Some meds make you think that way, and if you are on some that are causing you to think that, you need to get off them RIGHT AWAY!

Your family needs you, and you will get your pain under control. Just give it time and hang in there for you and your family. This time of year is very depressing for alot of people. I look at it as just another day. Somehow people forget what xmas really is about, and only think of the commercial side of it. Buying gifts etc. Xmas is really a time of being with the people you love and care about dearly. Remember that and take care of yourself. Your family loves you and needs you more than anything. I wish you and your family a very Merry xmas and happy new year.

The new year is comming and now you can make a new year resolution that you will be in pain management and get your pain under control. Start the new year fresh with taking care of " YOU ".
carpal tunnel recurrence/ neuropathy / RSD.
1/29/07 injury date. Permanent. PIR settlement 8/4/08 10%

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