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need help nurses - jayne - 12-09-2009

tomorrow I talk to the lung cancer Dr for my sister.....he has already told me it was large and not opratable(sp).....can you give me a list of questions I need to ask? My brain is numb and to be truthful I have no idea what to ask.....since I will have to be her main caretaker I know there are several questions I should ask but just cant think right now...can you please give me a hand

RE: need help nurses - capricorn - 12-09-2009

Jayne ask what stage it is, what kind(there are several) if not operable what treatments are available and if there are none , God forbid, what to expect. That's the best I can do to start you off. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and God will be by your side.

RE: need help nurses - RNvic - 12-09-2009

Jayne- there are all kinds of things you may want to know.
Something to find out is expected time, things to watch for, pain medications, something for nausa, any restrictions, foods to eat or restrict if any, are they going to do chemo or radiation. Hope this will give you a place to start and know that I am praying for you and if you need or want to talk just give me a call.

RE: need help nurses - Tuffy - 12-09-2009

Many good ideas Cap, You may also want to ask about pain, meds, how often the Dr wants to see her, Jayne, you already know most of what has to be done as a caregiver etc, because of what you are going through with your parents. Lots of TLC for your sis. You may also want to ask about Power of Attorney for Healthcare. Does your sis have a living will?

RE: need help nurses - jayne - 12-09-2009

I have her POA for healthcare and my parents kept a buriel policy on her and if Dad goes first I will keep the payments up.....I have told her if she will quit smoking I will bring her home to die but if she wont then I wont...I love her but my kids health is important also and second hand smoke is worse than first hand and she smokes several packs a day......Her Doc was open and above board with me at the hospital and said resources are short and he wont waste what they have on someone who wont work with them...I understand if only so many dollars are out there it is not fair for her to take them from someone who would quit smoking and work with the docs.....She has said she wont quit smoking nor would she do anything that would cause her to loose her there really isnt anything left except to keep her out of pain till it is over.....since her dog died she has also lost the will to live she is so burnt out from doing drugs for years that she has the mind of a 5 year old......all I know to do is pray for her and try to keep her pain free....I have lost 3 friends from cancer in the last 5 years and it is a painful way to die

RE: need help nurses - backache - 12-09-2009

All good advice has been given already I will pray to Saint Jude for all of you. he is the Patron Saint of hopeless cases. He doesn't always save the person who is dying, but he often shows you how to handle what is going on. He has brought me through many trials that I have had in my life.

RE: need help nurses - Tuffy - 12-09-2009

My mom will be 90 in January and is still smoking... At her age why should I try and take something away from her that she enjoys. and her Dr's agree. I swore when I quite smoking I would never be one of THOSE X SMOKERS. I quit almost 2 years ago and being around people that smoke does not bother me.....People smoke because they want to and will quite when they are ready and want to. Harping on them just makes them defensive. I didn't want to hear it from others......I quite when I was ready ( cold Turkey)

So ( My opinion) if living in a nursing facility , loosing her dog and with the mentality of a 5 year old, if smoking makes her happy and that is all she has then why try and make her quit? What else does she have to look forward to.

You can force her to quit, but someone is buying and giving her the cigarettes. If not you then who? and can you ask them to stop???????
Most 5 year olds cannot make there own decessions and need guidance. She may not understand her own medical condition......You have a hard row to hoe. Good Luck..

RE: need help nurses - jayne - 12-09-2009

she is given a pack a day by the facility.....and then her ex buys her a carton a week. ....I dont care if she quits or not it no longer matters the damage is done....but if she wants to come here to die she will have to come without her smokes.....I have 3 kids with asthma I refuse to have second hand smoke anywhere near them...if this makes me a rabid ex smoker oh well......I also moniter their TV,computer and school grades.I grow and can almost all the food they put in their mouths including the meat....I am a strict,loving most likely over protective Mom,that still doesnt let them at 7 10 and 11 stay overnight unless I know the parents....

RE: need help nurses - red1030 - 12-09-2009

jayne...just a few quick thoughts on your situation ....
questions to ask the doctor if you don't already know:

1. What type of cancer is it? This will give your doctor an idea about prognosis and expected symptoms.
2. Where as the medical field staged her cancer? also find out what testing was done to diagnose her with lung cancer, and what symptoms occured that created the order for the test?
3. Based on the type, and where it is staged will tell the doctor a lot about when, how, and where it may or may not spread too. Therefore there would be additional symptoms. Ask about all of this?
4. Discuss prognosis since there is to be no treatment... if it is less than 6 months, ask about hospic care.

5. also discuss mental health with the doctor. Why wasn't or was mental health involved in the decisions to not treat due to your sisters decision not to stop smoking. I agree with Tuffy that this may be all she has to live for, however, if she is truly making decisions as a 5 year old would, I believe mental health should be a part of her team of health care providers.

6. Discuss pain management with him also. Find out, based on type, stage, and expected spreading what kind of pain you should expect to see. also ask about expected symptoms at each stage of the process.

7. If you do decide to bring her home, find out who can come and do an evaluation to assure that you have everything you need to assist your sister to maintain her highest quality of life as possible. Sometimes this seems silly to people when they have a high quality of life, but when you have lost it all... even maintaining the ability to toilet self may be all that is needed to help a person to continue to feel good about themselves and about life. This may just be a grab bar and a toilet raiser.

Good luck prayers, my heart, and my thoughts are with you and with your entire family this holiday season and you Red

RE: need help nurses - jayne - 12-10-2009

ok I have a few answers....The doc was a lung Dr.not an oncoligst(sp) they will be making an appt for the cancer is small cell and while he couldnt give me a stage he said it was "massive" his word.....she told him she wasnt afraid to die she would then be with her dog.....she refuses to quit smoking soooooo when I asked him for an educated guess on her death he said less than 6 months and to pick a hospice he felt they would be a better alturnative than a hospital or nursing home towards the end for pain management...I feel like a horse has kicked me in the guts