Problems with my father

[bodybuilder1958]

Hi All,
Last week my father (81) was in a rehab hospital. Four days after being admitted there he was transferred to a nursing home since he couldn't (wouldn't) do the therapy he needed. Five days after being admitted (our stepmother told us it was for long-term care but he was in the wrong ward) we were told we had 10 days to either transfer him to another nursing home for long term care or home with nursing assistance.

This was because my father was becoming hostile and had refused since day one to do absolutely any of his therapy. Wednesday morning he even took a swing at a therapist. We're in a real bind since it's the holiday season and my father has no money. It would take about 30 days to get medicaid to kick in if he's approved for it but I do understand they can do an emergency temporary approval. Add to this the evil stepmother and you can imagine how stressful our Christmas was.

My stepmother even got mad and yelled at the home's social worker when that woman only wanted to assist her in filling out the medicaid forms. The home was going to offer dad a room in another wing if it was approved, that offer has now been withdrawn.

Pray for patience and strength for me and my sisters as well as for my father. As for the wicked witch, well I'm a nice person and I just can't write what I'd like to happen to her. Let's just say I won't attend the funeral.

My father has dementia and severe depression, his wife won't allow for proper mental testing to be done to classify him so he can get proper placement in a home and proper treatment. She just doesn't understand that it doesn't mean he's crazy, it's necessary.

This might sound awful but if my dad had died on Christmas day I would of been at peace with it. He would of been home with my mother for Christmas.

Prayers please, this is so hard,
BB

[RNvic]

BB- sorry you are having such a hard time and so much worry. The hospital can take care of starting the paper work to get the medicaid started. If you father owns any property then they will attach a lein against it that when he dies and the property is sold the money will be paid back to the state.

Start calling nursing rooms and visit them if they have room for him. They can get the paper work done within hours if they want to. But before you move him check out the home. Go to the state site and check for how the home stands. Ask questions as to staff to patient, check as to what personal items he can have, does he have to share a room or do they have private rooms. When you visit don't let them know you are coming, just go in and watch what is going on. Is it warm, do the beds have enough covers on the beds, are the bed good ones. how is the mattress. These things will help you pick the right home for your father.

My prayers will be with you that the New Year will be a better one.

[jayne]

BB do you have any say in the matter? or is it all your stepmonster...if its agaisnt medical advice for her to deny him these tests then a call to adult protection services is in order explaine your fears,his needs and what his Dr wants and they will check it out....They will also know which nursing home have complaints agaisnt them and which are just not good... your stepmonster yelling at them will get her a "no vote" in his care...I understand your being okay with the death of your father I was okay with Daddy going he was unhappy and couldnt do the things he enjoyed doing to keep him here would have been selfish on my part...He is with God now and his parents and siblings.....the one thing we had going was I had Dads power of attorney with trumped Mommas want to put him on life support.....you may need a talk with your Dad to see just what he wants...My Daddy just wanted to die in peace in his own bed at home.....but everyone is different....it was a hard journey but it was the last gift I could give him......my Prayers are going up for you as it is a hard spot you are in.....but a call to adult protection services might be your best bet if the home hasnt already called....

[capricorn]

BB..until this is resolved is there no medication they can put him on for depression that at least might make him feel a little better mentally and make him easier to work with? Something to calm down the combativeness. That's sad. He's so unhappy, I guess his wife helped that happen.

[Still in Limbo]

Builder, I Remember from another Post that Your Step-Mom has the Medical POA for Your Father, Correct? If so, Maybe You and Your Sisters can Visit an Attorney and See what You can do as Blood Relatives and Siblings to get that Over-Ridden! I know You don't get along with Your Dad, but if He has Dementia, and Heavy Depression, They Probably have Him Heavily Medicated, and He could be so Confused He's Fighting against the Meds. If the New Wife can be Proven not to have Your Dad's Best Interests at Heart, Maybe Someone in Your Family can, and get Him the Care He Needs! My Very Best, and I Will Pray for Your Fathers Peace of Mind!!

[bodybuilder1958]

I thank each and every one of you for your replies. My middle sister is checking into homes and personally visiting them. (She knows I don't get around very easy).

When my dad went to go into the home my dad signed over medical POA to my stepmother. I have second say since I'm the only one in the family with a medical background.

My siblings and I have talked to an attorney about this situation before but the 4 we talked to were not too keen on taking us on since my dad supported his wife and he still does. This started when my stepmother continued giving my dad insulin shots 4 months after his insulin was discontinued (it's not unusual to be on insulin short term after open heart surgery). She was literally drawing blood sugars up to 4 times a day and giving him insulin shots (she's a diabetic and she was giving him her meds).
This was discovered when my dad was rushed to an ER with a blood sugar in the 40's. An investigation was done and nothing happened.

My dad knows all of us love him. The witch is not the person to be making medical decisions. She was a person of interest when her 2nd husband died (they were separated and she made him soup) but sudden death was in the family history. The day after the body was released she had him cremated. Her first husband (still living) claims she tried to poison him more than once.

So now you know the rest of the story, not pretty is it.
BB

[jayne]

adult protective services may be able to help or at least oversee the medical help he gets

[Still in Limbo]

She sounds like a Black Widow to Me!! I feel for You, I know Personally as I had an Elderly Gentleman I Worked with on the Side, We Installed X-Ray Equip. Die Suddenly,and just Days before He had told Me that His Second Wife, (Much Younger, and a Money Grubber) was giving Him so many Problems, He was going to Divorce Her, and Send Her A** Back where She came From! (His Words!) Within a Week She Called Me Crying telling Me that Dick Died in His Sleep, but She didn't Call Until He was already at the Funeral Home and Embalmed!! She didn't even Call His Family until Then!! Please be Careful, and Maybe Your Sister can get Him the Correct Care He should have, and get that Woman Off of that POA!!

[bodybuilder1958]

Black widow indeed but he has no money except for the african items in his and her's apartment. Worth about $5000. to 8,000. if sold properly. They are to go to his children, however my dad has refused for years to do a will. We're to grab what we want, I want no part of that. It just sounds horrible, either think of me properly or leave me out. I deliberately arrived after my sisters got there after our mom had died I drove, they took what they wanted and then asked me to drive it home (I drove one of our cars there, was able to spend more time with our father, not on a time restraint).
Earlier this year I noticed that my sister had my African elephant in her home, on a window. Either she took it from my home or her daughter did. I have the missing tusk, been tempted to ask if she wants it back.

Time on this earth is way to short, use it wisely, don't waste it.
BB

[jayne]

BB sounds like you have a family like mine.....My folks didnt have anything worth fighting over but darn if they didnt try...My Daddy wasnt anyones fool...he gave it out while he was alive to see how they used his gift....his last gift to me was time...I got several months of his time we talked and laughed and listened to each other....it was the most precious gift I could ask for.....My brother wants money when he found out there wasnt any he left and didnt come back.....he didnt relize the most valuable thing my Daddy owned was his memories.....I now have those also