Just posting.........(good read for those suffering depression :-) )........

[chrischris]

Today is the only day this week I don't have to go anywhere. I'm getting ready to get in the spa for awhile and try and relax.

It's been so stressful lately; and yet at the same time it really hasn't been that stressful. I have just come to realize that I can't handle stress anymore. Every little thing that is thrown my way causes stress. I think this is going to lead to an early grave if I can't get it under control.

I do all the things I know to help, but it isn't enough, and I am not going to take any more medications to keep me drugged up. I prefer a "clear" head to being a zombie.

Hope everyone has a great day. I'm trying too also! I love this forum!!!!!

[red1030]

Chris...it is interesting that you bring this topic up. I truly thought it was just me. I use to run a large nursing facility and there would be continual interruptions, nursing crisis, bells going off, needs just everywhere, deadlines, meetings, unexpected surveys by Department of Health and so forth..and it almost was a stimulation to me. Now however, one little things gets out of its norm and my anxiety can quickly turn into a panic attack. It makes me feel ridiculous and silly. I do take Ativan for it from time to time, but not too often....and 0.5mg will not make you feel like a zombie. Most of the time, however, I have learned that I will go to a dark, quiet room, close my eyes and listen to the waves or something comforting and I can control the anxiety before it turns into a panic attack. I undertand what you are saying..it also gives me a feeling of powerlessness over my own body even worst than I experienced when I actually lost all movement feeling etc from my neck down when I was first diagnosed. That time I had to learn to walk again and everything else from sitting up and so forth...and I would honestly tell you that this is worst. I am a helpless nightmare when it happens at least in my head... thanks for talking to us about this. Love Red

[Still in Limbo]

Chris and Red, I have Dealt with Panic Attacks and Depression Most of My Adult Life, and I have been Dealing with it a Lot Lately! The Only thing I can do when This Happens, when I Feel the Depression or the Stress before the Pain Attack Comes is try My Very Best to let My Mind go to a More Peaceful Place, Think of Happy Memories, and Count the Blessing that I have. Even though Everything May Seem like it's Snowballing Out of Control, and You just want to Throw Your Hands Up and Quit, You just have to Reach Deep, and You'll Find the Strength to Move On!! My Heart Goes Out to All that have to Deal with this, it's as Serious as Our Injuries, but Something We can All Learn to Control in Our Own Ways!!

[chrischris]

Oh THANK YOU Red and Still. It's good to know there are others who understand. I am a bit more relaxed now that I had a sit in the spa. It feels so good to just let the jets sooth my aches and pains, and while my body is floating, my mind drifts to good thoughts, instead of the nightmares I have at night.

I sat in the lounge chair for 5 minutes to dry off some before coming back into the house and believe it or not, my skin is red. I hope it doesn't turn into a sunburn. 5 minutes is nothing, but I am vey white to begin with and don't tan very well. It's supposed to get up to 107 today and stay there for the rest of the week. Typical July here!

While my mind was drifting, I got a sudden urge for chocolate cake so I am going to attempt to make a from scratch double layer chocolate cake. I hope it turns out. My mouth is watering just thinking about t. Yummmmmy. Anyone want to come over for coffee and and cake later? 1171? How close are you to me?

[Still in Limbo]

Now that's a Great Attitude Chris!!! You See how Easily it can be at Times when it Seems the Darkest, that just a Step away from it All for a Short While can give You a Better Prospective!! I Wish I was Close, I would Love to Help Make and Eat that Cake!! Have a Great Evening, and try and Keep Cool, 107, Wow!!

[chrischris]

OK, the cake is cooling, and the frosting is made. All I have to do is wait for a little while before I finish the cake. That was a project! I haven't baked anything since Christmas, that I can remember anyway. LOL! I had a little trouble with the frosting as it called for 3 cups of confectioners sugar. I put in three cups but the frosting was like water, so I added 1/2 more, until I got to an additional 3 cups (twice the recipe). What happened was I used an "organic" confectioners suger that I found on sale a couple of months ago. I didn't realize that it was so much different! I almost called Jayne for help, and yes, I did stress over this!!!!

I'm at my activity limit for the day. I find that I have to decide day by day what I can and cannot do. Usually one day for a couple of loads of laundry. The next day I will try to vacumn, or empty the dishwasher, or sweep the patio. It is a constant juggle and so hard because I used to be "Mrs. Clean". My kids would always tease me because I wouldn't let a fork be left on the table for more than a minute before it was washed. Hah! Boy, things have changed and it is a hard adjustment. The hardest part is your own family. They want you to be the person you used to be and can't understand why it takes so much to do one thing. No matter how much they love you, no one can understand this unless they have walked in your shoes. I know many of us try and hide our feelings and hurts from our families. I personally think this is a good thing because it is not healthy to be exposing them to bad vibes all the time. Just rambling and hope this makes some sort of sense.

Thanks for listening!

[red1030]

wow...chris you did it again. You brought up a subject that is so near to my heart. It is very hard for our family's to understand. They don't always see the disability, they see mom but they want (in my case) the mom back that was always in control, the officer, the just get it done mom...the one that they could rely on. That has all changed now. I am not the person they can rely on to make something happen for them. I just can't now, and that is so very difficult for me and for them sometimes. I also agree that it most likely is a good thing that they don't really know what or how our lives have changed inside as well as around us. People don't need or want to deal with it until they are forced too...why should they? I don't think I would either. We like to live in our white picket fense homes and believe life is wonderful and always will be. How else could we know that genesis happens in the world around us and yet go to walmart to buy a new blender or any other reason we go out. We all shield ourselves from pain as much as we possibly can. Now our familiy's are doing that where we are concerned. I don't know if this makes a lot of sense or not, but it does appear that it is maybe more difficult for them than for us. I have been doing some research on this subject for the past two years as I started writing a book about family coping when faced with a loved one with a disability. It is very difficult for them. They feel maybe more powerless than we do. They go through the Krubler Ross grieving process and most likely will not be in the same stages at the same time that their loved ones are. It can be very complicated. I believe that maybe that is why this forum is so important to me. I can talk to you all, and I can share how I feel and you all can related and also, I can feel like I can do something for someone else as well. It ca be a vicious circle...but one where I am going to take the high road towards loving, caring, and just being who I know I am inside. The outer things that people saw in the past don't matter, it is who you are inside that matters....whether your house is as picked up as it was in the past may change becasue of your physical abilities, but your heart will not change unless we choose to let it change...I choose to not let it change... best wishes always Chris, and Still... you two are the best Love Red

[jayne]

ahhhhhhhhhhh the worst part is my kids think I am completly senseless just because my body is broke doesnt mean I cant make decisions anymore

[Bummer Knees]

Chris I do understand the stress & anxiety, I do find myself having to face these issues and the "events" going on in my home do not help the stress.
Mine is not the normal houshold, my youngest is autistic, has epilsepy, & asthma, my middle child has bipolar & ADHD, and my oldest has ADHD, LD, depression, and enviromental allergies.

Red what you described in the family coping with a disability is the same theme as the "Parent to Parent theme"

If you do a search on Beech Center on Disability and NICHCY look for the parent to parent information.

In the past I have attended the national, international, and state conferences on Parent to Parent and have gone thru training to become a Parent to Parent Coordinator.

My job "as a volunteer" is to match & train Supporting Vetern Parents with a child with a disability with "Newly Referred Parents" that have recently learned their child has a disability. Information is shared on disability, resources, support, and other related topics.

The parent to parent matching theme is used in different walks of life & thru the life span.

[capricorn]

Hi Chris...I am happy that you are moving in the direction you need to so that you can be happy with all the changes. I too cannot and will not be around any stress that's not absolutely necessary.(Someone is sick, dies, etc) stresses that can't be avoided. I walk away alot now. Quiet is something I need everyday. Sleep ...I am able to sleep 8=10 hours now when I was living on 2-3 for years. I don't think too much is important now except those I love. Health, safety, etc. God gave me time and freedom and doesn't want me filling it with the stress I 've had for sooooooooooo many years. I have said the serenity prayer so many times that I live it now. I don't stress over things I can't do anything about. I pray that God will take care of those issues. Keep relaxing and baking those cakes. You'll get there.