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New Office Policy
[Image: 2qi5rvt.gif]
8-05, Micro laminectomy/disectomy. 10-05 lumbar fusion L5-S1. 2-07 exploritory surgery. 12-07 medical implant, Spinal Cord Stimulator. now receiving SSDI. After going back to school, I received my degree as a mechanical engineer. What can I say, it was the only way I had to beat the system. 
I understand the circus itself wintered in Venice. Ringling had a mansion on Sarasota Bay in the northern county. It is open to the public. It is called Ca D'Zan. He also built one of the best art museums in the southern US. I highly recommend a visit to his house and the Ringling Museum while you are here. The museum is fairly accessable to those with disabilities. Ca D'Zan may have more challenges. Learn more at http://www.ringling.org/.

Tuffy, we may be moved in, but I'll probably still be needing help unpacking next May. ROFL.
HEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, Now that is my kind of company. LOL I love these new policys...............

I also live in Fl. Spent the last 2 days moving stuff from outside to inside, then inside to outside.
Glad I don't have to work for you! I get enough exercise having to walk next door for lunch! Up stairs??? are you kidding???

Glad you're safe though.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limi t in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Big Huge GRIN Smile
Management is now wondering why so many WC claims are being filed because of Stress related issues. Those that have filed please be warned that we will take our time to find the right mental health facility for you! After all it is hard to find a mental health facility to deal with the stress of having your picture posted on the board for all to see.

As for those that have fallen down the stairs coming to work, you were on your own time and not clocked in at the time of the accident! Please talk to our landlord about your medical bills. (That is if you can find them, we have trouble at times reaching them when we need things repaired ......... Like the water leak above the Ask a Nurse station..... sorry Tuffy hope your pnemonia is doing better, you need to wear a rain coat to work).

Those that have been starved because of our lunch break schedule, remember this is for your own health reasons. You have plenty of time to eat or drink your Slimfast meal. Therefore all claims related to hunger issues are denied. If you don't bring enough food to eat during your lunch break ...... that is not our fault..... besides lunch breaks aren't paid for, hence your on your own time.

As for those filing ADA compliance issues, remember since our company is not that large, we don't have to abide by them. Also to accommodate most of your restrictions and accommodation's would bankrupt the company. EEOC stated that since we employ all those with disabilities, different sex, etc ... that we have complied with the state and federal laws. (We Asked our attorney ......... Barney Rubble to make sure we are in compliance here.)

There is no union allowed in this company and those trying to form one will be promptly dealt with. Ask 1171 what his punishment was just for mentioning the work UNION in the office. (Had to write all claims by hand since we took his computer away from him. Sorry for those who didn't get paid last week ...... 1171 handles all checks and without a computer he had to type each check up and put them in the check register.)

Thank you all

Well, we've had to add a few new rules for our employees:


The attendance record of this establishment is a disgrace due to your lack of consideration for your jobs, as shown by your frequent absences. It has become necessary for us to review some of our policies.

The following changes are effective immediately:

Sickness (no excuse):
We will no longer accept your doctor’s statements as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Death (other than your own):
This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with a lower position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early providing that your work is done.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE (for surgery):
We are no longer allowing this practice. We believe as long as you are employed here, you should keep all you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH (your own):
This will be accepted as an excuse, but we will require a two weeks notice. We will also expect you to train someone to replace you.
kate Wrote:Admin,

I also live in Fl. Spent the last 2 days moving stuff from outside to inside, then inside to outside.
Glad I don't have to work for you! I get enough exercise having to walk next door for lunch! Up stairs??? are you kidding???

Glad you're safe though.


But Kate, think of the exercise you would get! And lunch? We have a place that delivers. Of course, I suppose you would have to go downstairs to let them in.....
Dear Admin,
from my experience I think practicing these behaviors will bring your dream of entering the Managers Hall Of Fame a bit closer. So here are myTips For Bosses:

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the business hierarchy, I am lower then dirt. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the new Navigator.

Wait until my annual performance report and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating. I'm not here for the money anyway.


your employees
Reminder :
........Each state has their own comp system; POST YOUR STATE to get accurate information. Use the search feature to find information from similar questions.
Many of us over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way to 50 are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbutt oned disco shirts and a heart monito r

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots

12. Short shorts and varicose veins

13. Inline skates and a walker

And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion for the 'Older Folks'.....

14. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when
You shop.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!!!! Smile
May God send his angels to hold you in his arms

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