i need lots of laughstoday please

[Sithie]

For 10 years I ran 3 bars for a guy named Bruce, now bruce was old when I met him,Through the years, we got pretty close. I was there for him when his wife passed, and when he had prostate cancer, etc. I moved to New Orleans, and he made me promise, when I came back to visit, that I would bartender for him one night of my visit for old times sake. He calls me alot down in NO, to tell me about his health problems and talk. So I go home to visit, and work a Friday night for him. I am busy as hell! Here comes Bruce,who by now is on a walker with wheels. He gets to the end of my bar and, slaps it HARD, making everyone jump. "Come here baby, I got something to tell you!" I am like just a minute! So I make my way down there and ask"What is it you old goat, I am busy!" He says to me in a big LOUD voice,"Baby, do you know what comes outta my pecker when I take Viagra?" I about died, my faced turned beet red. I said, "No Bruce I think you need to talk to you doctor about that." He Said, just as loud, "The wrinkles baby, the wrinkles."

Needless to say I had to laugh!
God I loved that old goat!

[snowbear]

LOL!!!!!!!!  I have to remember that one Sithie!!!!!!!!  I know lots of old men that I have to tell that to!!!!!!

Love the one about the bartender too Admin!!!!!!!

[Wink]

Taking a Tinkle

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.  Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.  

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.  "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.  The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."  Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "Its okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."  "No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog!"

[Wink]

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important FCE appointment and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up towards heaven, he said "Lord, pleeze take pity on me. If you find me a parking space I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and...and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking space appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

[Spring]

You all are to funny...This is what we all needed today.

[red1030]

Wink...and Sithie..those are great..thank you.

[Still in Limbo]

Tweety, this is hard for me to type, so I hope you enjoy it!

Two Blonde's walk into a Bar, you think one of them would have seen It!!

[Truckster]

NOT TO SAY MY WIFES A BAD COOK,BUT WE HAVE THE SAME THING EVERY NIGHT....DIAREAH

[Truckster]

OH WAIT, I FORGOT ,I'M DOING THE COOKING NOW !!!!!!!!!

[red1030]

lol...laughing out loud..you guys are all too funny. I don't know any jokes..I never can remember them, but you guys are on a roll....keep em coming...lol