Prayer in numbers

[Bummer Knees]

I too am a guilty party in getting wrapped up in my pain and not paying the attention I should to others in my family. MY children telll me in different ways that they are not getting the one-on-one attention they need. My kids are demanding I admit, my 17 yr old has ADHD and depression, My 15 yr has bipolar and ADHD and my 9 yr old has Autism, ADHD, seizures, & asthma.

My husband is very good about letting me know we need time away, for that I am blessed. Keeps me from getting over stressed.

[Tuffy]

Bummer, Girl, is your hair completly white? or maybe I should say what hair you have left.... I agree with your hubby you and he do need to take time for yourselves. On the other hand I sure give you all the credit in the world for raising children with special needs. It takes special people to do what you are doing. God Bless you and your hubby.

[Bummer Knees]

Tuffy

I don't think my hubby and I are special people, although sometimes I think we may be a little crazy.

[RNvic]

Tuffy, I'm with you on only if I still had a husband. As my grma told me it may not work as well and not as often but still want the sex..

Cap, sorry you are having such a hard time. Some men just don't know what to do or what to say so they show their a@@. It is easier for them. The best you can do is remeber why you married him in the first place. I will send special prayers and angels to heal your home and help you to deal with all this mess.

RNvic

[capricorn]

Oh I am so glad I started this thread. Limbo , thanks for the eye opener. I saw the new rheumatologist yesterday who told me I have a full blown case of fibro going on. My body has quit along with my mind so my mind can't push my body anymore. Along with it comes alot of frustration. He also told me as long as I hold onto the resentment, and that seems to be the big emotion, that I will not get well. How can I resent my husband for having a better, easier life, different life than me?????? I'm not a stupid woman but that's what this is all about. I raised kids and worked while he was single, working, playing baseball and just plain old living all the way through his 30's. By the time we met my kids were grown, i was divorced and thought he was a blast. He's the most positive human I have ever met. Tells me there are no words to express how much he loves, respects,admires me. And yet I am angry at him. Full of resentment. I guess between my daughter and hubby all at one time it was just too much for me. I talk to my daughter about this lack of response or interest in me and she understands. She has apologized for her role, knows I don't hold it against her and talks about beginning her new life next week. When I try to unload on hubby he gets angry and walks away. Can he not take me being hurt, sick, in pain??? Does he just not know how to be comforting? He has been in the past. Is he all about himself??? I don't know anymore. All I do know is that when he was dx so was I. The first few weeks into this nightmare were horrible, and exhausting. Did I stand up and be strong as usual and then collapse? Maybe. ALl I can see is that for two weeks hubby and I shared lots of laughs everynight before we fell asleep and every morning when we woke. As soon as the Dr.s told him there is great hope of htis being operable I feel like he went his own way. No more laughs at night or in the morning. Now everyday he goes about his own business as if I don't exist/. No interest in me. I'm hurt and confused.

Thanks all for making me look inside myself and stop being so selfish. It's not all about him or me as it is about US> I will talk to him when he gets in and hopefully we'll see eye to eye a little more.

RN.....Hubby will be the first one to admit that sometimes he's a real A*&. I guess he just doesn't think before he speaks or acts and should. I always remember his Dad telling us that marriage is a full time job that you have to work at everyday and to always, always think of the other person before you act. I feel as if I do all the time but hubby only does some of the time.

Love,
CAP

[red1030]

Hi all.... come on everyone...the three letter word is not of the past...you are way too young to feel that way... I know it is not in the past in our home... and I am sure that it does not have to be of the past in your home.... working in long term care, I can tell story after story of how the elderly react to sex... interestingly..they were not past the subject at alll...lol... so why are all of you.... sweet tooth..you grab that man of yours...and ................ jayne...hugging is all.... you and Bill just need some time a lone that is all... and as for the rest of you...I know you will create a world where this subject remains strong in your homes... lol Red

[sweet tooth]

he said that sounded good to him LOL

[Still in Limbo]

Cap., Now Your on the Right Track!! You 2 have to set down, without Resentment or Anger, and get this out in the Open! Just as My Wife told Me Yesterday of what I was doing wrong, I had no Idea it had made Her feel the Way it did, until We spoke about it, without any Anger or Resentment, just a Good "Old Fashion" Set down Talk. You See, Every day I tell My Wife I Love Her, How Beautiful She looks, How Much I care about Her, but You See, because of My Pain, I haven't been Hugging Her, Holding Her at night, Cuddling, and I have no Desire for Sex! I was "Telling" Her how I felt, but I wasn't "Showing" Her! My God how Stupid could I be, I can understand now why after a while the things I was saying to Her were Only Words, because there was no Intimate Contact, not even a Hug, because it Hurts My Back to do that, but She didn't know it Hurt Me, and I lost sight of the Fact that any Person Needs affection shown to them!! And would You Believe, that this Beautiful and Loving Woman felt Guilty bringing this up to Me, She felt She was being Selfish for asking for the Most Basic Human Need: Affection!!
Cap. My Wife and I Talked, Cried, Held Each Other, and Life now feels Better than it has for a while! That's what this Stress and Chronic Pain does, and by no Fault of Our Own, forget some of the Basic things Our other Halves need. Thanks Again for sharing, and I Hope the 2 of You can Set Down and get this Cleared Up, and You can get on with Your Lives Again, Together!!

[capricorn]

Limbo..I am so hoping I can do this. After another day in bed ALONE I have had plenty of time to think and sort through my feelings. I am as much to blame as he is for this separation of emotion between us. Hubby is very free spirited and I on the other hand am the one who always "took care of the important things". When we married I had no problem with this. Since we have both been injured I have changed and he has not. He is still carefree. Too much so at times. Doesn't worry about much, that's my job. It appears that almost everything is my job. Everyday he tells me he loves me and how beautiful I still am but does not show it , actually he shows the opposite. I need to get this off my chest with him before I will feel better and if it doesn't go well then at least I know where I stand. He really needs to start thinking of me also before he acts. Since he went through the WC system and settled his case a little over a year ago he has changed. It's almost like he refuses to give anything of importance any thought. This is a man who worked his tail off 6 sometimes 7 days a week. Now he acts like he is independantly wealthy (which he is not) and can come and go as he pleases. I blame alot of this on me for allowing it. I have given him more freedom than any married man I know. Last summer when I was in agony from the surgery I never stopped him from doing anything. I didn't think it was fair. Instead I was left alone all the time in pain. He took advantage of my kindness. I told him that I thought I was a good wife and that IF there came a time that I said I wanted him to stay home with me I expected him to honor my request. Instead I was ignored. I am angry and resentful and need to get through this. I need his help.
CAP