Marital woes

[capricorn]

Oh Red>>> God bless you for writing this post. I am so glad I brought the subject up also. All responses have given me a new outlook. I am looking at myself more and not always what hubby has said or done. After reading your post I can tell you we are alike. I was also a very slim, petite active, stylish woman until I was injured. Now I am downright chubby. When I say I am fat my husband looks the other way and just shakes his head. He has told me numerous times that my negativity is driving him nuts. So you see it took me bringing this out to have all of you help me to clear my mind and listen to what he's been telling me. When I think of the times he has taken care of my like I was his child it breaks my heart to see how we are now. He hides from my negativity and I get so angry that I become more negative. Someone ( a very close friend who introduced us) said she was very concerned about two hot headed italians butting heads. LOL. I am trying so hard to keep an open mind and not take my insecurities out on him. I also don't have a jealous bone in my body and yet lately have said things that even surprise me. SO you see by me opening up I have helped myself. That's why we are a family. Openess in communication is so important. God keep you safe.

Love,
CAP

[Still in Limbo]

Since my Injury, My Wife and I have been through More Trials and Tribulations than We Have in Our Entire 32 Years Together. I'm 45, and We Had Our First Date on Sept. 8, 1977! I have put My Wife through He** with My pain and Med. changes, I can't do the things for and with Her that I Used to do, and I went from Provider to being Totally Dependent on Her, and the Added Stress of a long Drawn Out Court Battle with w/c has Left Us Both Emotionally Drained. God Bless this Woman who chose to be with Me, without Her I would be Nothing, and when I Ask Her Why She stays, She says, "You aren't getting rid of Me that Easy!!" We've had Our Fights, Most of them My Fault, but Love ALWAYS Comes back into Our Hearts, and She Once Again Figures Out a Way to Forgive Me. True Love Loves the Soul of their Partner, not the Body, or the Amount of Money We can Make, or the things We can do for the other! I Honestly Believe this, Because My Wife Has Every Good Reason in the Book to Leave Me, but stays by My Side!!! I Believe that's what All Spouses of Us Injured people who stay by Our side do, they look at Our Souls, and that's where they find their Love, so if You try and keep Your Soul Open for Your Mate, and keep that Love Light lit, they Will Find their Way Home, just like a lit Candle in a Window! Sometimes they May take the Long Road to get there, but they Will be Home! If We Close our Souls, they can't find the Light, and are Lost trying to find their Way, and that's where I think the Fear and Anger Comes from! Just my opinion, but I Feel We have to Work just as Hard at it as they do, for the Union to be Complete!!

[capricorn]

Limbo, my friend, thanks you with all my heart. How right you are. I needed to post all of this to see what's going on with me and hubby. I put it all on him , after all I am in alot of pain and have other issues, so it couldn't possible be me. LOL He loves me as I am. Extra weight, inability to socialize as we once did, ect. I never realized how negative I have become until all of you gave me your resposes. I think he is grieving who I was, who he was, what our lives were together so he can adjust to the changes. I used to think he resented me not being able to do much. He doesn't. He's limited too. I think I almost was going at to push him into leaving me because I am so limited and didn't want to ruin his life. I told him this and he asked IF I remember him doing the same thing about 2-2/12 years into his injury and WC suit. Yes I do. SO I 'm hoping counseling will give us both a healthy perspective on our marriage. Right now I have no doubt that the souls are still linked they just need to be dusted off a little.

Love and prayers to all,
CAP

[grundig]

Cap , your not alone,,,,being hurt has caused many, many, problem,s between my wife and I,,,,,,but we love each other ,and by the good grace of God,,,,,we get through them,,,,, I know ,,,,it ,s get really hectic at times.

[red1030]

Cap, again I am very impressed with your trust and your courage to bring this topic to the forefront. I am not surprised by the responses that you have received, and really feel very honored to know this group of people. They all have hearts of gold inspite of what life has handed them as a result of their injuries. I have been doing some research on life after a life altering event and i have found so far, that what some of us are experiencing is expected. The changes in our lives will tear down all our abilities to cope as we did before, and then we must learn new coping mechanisms for the NEW us. I believe it is almost like we have to learn how to live again. The world around us has not changed, and the reality is that we have not changed. We are learning how to reach deep down inside ourselves and pull out the person we have always been and then add what are changes to our life. This of course are the changes such as medications for pain, fatigue from the pain, changes in mobility, changes in our body image, and just change after change after change. However, the REAL you is still there and always will be unless we allow the adaptation changes to over rule our lives. They really do not have too, we allow it. At least that is how I feel about me.

Cap this thread has really helped me to see myself a little clearer, and to understand what is happening in my life right now. I want to thank you for your insight and your wisdom ... you had no idea just how much you may be helping someone else by sharing your issues with all of us. I love you very much for your caring and unselfish ways. This has meant a lot to me. Red

[capricorn]

grundig>>>>thanks my friend. I need to stop believing that everything is the end of the world.


Red>>>>> Airing this issue has really helped me also to see things in a different light. I believe we all go through the stages of grief as I believe someone posted awhile ago. I know I am grieving the loss of my job, my social life, and just being free spirited. My husband has to go through a grief process also. We have both been injured and life has changed drastically. Hopefully we will be able to swin strongly enough to get our heads above water again. Together.


Love you back,
CAP

[MJC]

Cap,

I am so sorry I am seeing this so late, my deepest apologizes. So many people have said all of the same things I would have said to you so what more can I say. Please know that you are very dear to all of us and we have concerns for our family members when they are seeing rough times. Know that each of us are here for you anytime you need. We may be miles away from each other but we are actually only a click away or a phone call away if you need us. We all need a stronger shoulder to lean on when our lives get too rough for us. I think all of us on here have very strong shoulders....except I have one weak one at the moment but I have 2 so there you go, I will use that 2nd one to let you lean on it. I have you and your hubby in my prayers that you will be able to work through this turmoil. Stay strong as you have many that support you on this forum and we care. PM me if you ever need and I can always give you my phone number is that is necessary also. God bless you dear friend and remember, I love ya!

Cajun Hugsssssssssss,
MJC