Today I'm thankful for...

[capricorn]

Oh my friends........what would I do without you. I talked to both of my daughters who have witnessed the changes in him and his attitude and both have agreed that something is wrong with him not me. That being said after being married to a violent alcoholic the first time when hubby and I married I kept my own bank account and certain accounts are only in my name OR his. So I am safe financially. The house is in my name also so I could legally put him out if necessary. I THINK I want to sell the house, split with him and get a nice small apartment for me alone. Without this bickering and bullying going on. In the end I am stronger mentally than him. It's just so damn frustrating to be going through this right now. I am not physically ready to move on. If he would just stay here if he has to and leave me alone I would be fine but he always has something nasty to say. Vickie thanks for reminding me that his problem is not my fault. Of course today is no different than any other. He gets up at 10:00, goes out to hang with friends and comes home most of the time with an attitude. EVERYDAY for about 6 months now. On occassion I see the man I married but this change in him is horrible. No one that he hangs out with is married. Same as my first husband. I think they need me to make them look and feel somewhat normal to the outside world. Make sense? That you all for the offer of calling. I will probably in the near future have to take you all up on it. I'm OK for now. Keeping busy and it's quiet here.

CAP

[backache]

Cap,
I was thinking about you and perhaps your husband is feeling helpless and that is why he has changed. Please men on the forum don't take this the wrong way, but the majority of the time I believe that woman are much better at dealing with an ill or injured spouse than men are. Of course there are exceptions , but having worked in a nursing home I have seen it many times. If a husband is in need of care the wife usually just naturally becomes the care giver, when the wife becomes disabled it seems to be much harder on the husband. I believe the reason for this is from the time we are born woman are taught to nurture and take care of others and the men are taught they are to provide finacially to the family. Saying this perhaps your husband feels as if he can't provide for you the way he thinks he should. I am not saying he should be able to get away with the verbal abuse, but maybe he should go to your counselor with you so he can say what he is feeling. Either way don't take the abuse hun it will only make you weaker in the end.We are here for you.

[ksgirl]

Cap, I am so sorry that you are going through this on top of everything else. No one should have to tolerate someone acting this way. It is so unfair when someone you love changes into a different person and you don't know how to fix everything. Like others have said, this is not your fault, so don't blame yourself. This is something that you have been given, now you have to decide what to do about it. I know that you are strong and smart and you will find your way. Do you know if he has started drinking or taking drugs? My first husband would be fine, then when he was drinking or drugging, he would change. He finally got to where he didn't have to be drunk or high to hurt me.

Please know you are in my prayers and in the prayers of everyone else on here. We are here if you need us!

[nurse83]

dear cap,

knowing we have never met and you may not have read many of my posts and may be wondering who i am i still feel the need to reach out after reading the last few posts...............

this is something i rarely if ever talk about; there are even some of my family members who know nothing about this but............i was in an abusive relationship years ago..........it is a painful thing..........it usually starts with little things but it always escalates..........no matter your level of education, self esteem, or how great your support system is it seems as if the abused feels shame and wants to keep the situation a secret, will rationalize the abuser's behavior and feel somewhat responsible for the situation and try to fix it...........not trying to sterotype and with apologises to the great men on our site because women can be b****es and abusers but it's usually men doing these things to women......................

your first priority, Cap, has to be YOU................protect yourself..........IF you feel he can be turned around now before things get worse (know they're bad but you and I know it can get worse) then decide how far and how long you're willing to go with him and let that be it........................

to everyone else who spoke so hearfeltly i hear you and feel for you..........KS GIRL-------so sorry for what you endured...............

i will always be here for you guys--feel free to PM me---whatever you need from me i will be there for you and do my best to deliver...............

ya'll are helpiing me hang on these days.............luv all my family but what they do and what you guys do for me is different.........................

big hugs to all.....................................

[chrischris]

Cap, I don't know what to say except that I will pray for you and your situation. I am so sorry that you have been in so much pain, both physically and mentally, and for so long.

With that being said, I have to say that no one should be giving you advice on your marriage. We are here to support YOU. Your marriage is sacred and only you can decide if you want out or not. Before you make any decisions, seek professional marriage counseling. Try to include your husband but if he won't go, then go by yourself. I believe that a good counselor may give you insights you aren't mentally able to comprehend on your own.

No matter what the outcome, or the decisions YOU make, just know that we are here to support those decisions, not to judge you or your husband, and to be a friend to listen.

You are much loved on this forum Cap.

[chrischris]

Today I am thankful my new "hands free" dog leash equipped with a "shock absorber" for when he leaps ahead of me.

Now I am trying to take some short walks, and hopfully built up to longer walks. It feels so good to get outside, rain or not!

[monster]

CAP - I just PM'd you with Jayme's number and mine as well. I called her house (she wasn't there) and asked Bill to pull that phone number off the forum. Not a good idea to have your phone number on a public forum. I am home if you need to talk and # I gave you is cell so you can almost always reach me.

Hugs and prayers,
monster