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red1030 · 11-10-2007, 04:43 PM

[quote=ksgirl]
Red, you write everything so beautifully and straight from the heart. I agree that we don't "know" the people we talk to online, but I wonder if we really "know" the people we see in person every day. I am pretty much who you see any time I write. I am an imperfect person who can get pretty upset. I am a person who cares very much for the plight of others. Sometimes I am too lazy to do what is right and sometimes I wonder if I know what is right. I am cranky, determined, tired, happy, optimistic, pessimistic, crazy, goofy, fun loving, and mean. It just depends on the mood and situation. I try not to start things, but sometimes I can't help but to jump in or try to defend someone. I try to be supportive, but I know that sometimes I need to keep my fingers quiet.

I agree that we need to try to think before we type and we need to be respectful. It just seems that sometimes the things we may not like about ourselves jumps out and bites us. I am very willing to try to watch what I type, especially when I am not in a good mood to begin with.

Now I remember what else I was going to say. I try to take everyone here like I see myself, wonderful, but not perfect!
ksgirl, you write rather well yourself and you also speak from your heart. It has always been a pleasure to read and correspond with you. You made some excellent points when you said do we really know the people we see everyday. Actually in my research I found that relationships become more enhanced through this online communication related to decreased inhibitions therefor enchanced sharing of information.. thank you for being you ... can't wait to meet you and your hubby in Tulsa.. love Red

red1030 · 11-10-2007, 04:44 PM

[quote=sweet tooth]
red that was good and needed so much i would like everyone to know i love you all and treasure all our moments that we share on here
Sweets as always you are in my heart....love you Red

red1030 · 11-10-2007, 04:45 PM

And to everyone else... thank you for reading the thoughts on my mind and thank you for your kindness to me and everyone on this forum. It is becasue of you that we can say that we truly have an online family...love Red

Babebahn · 11-10-2007, 04:49 PM

chrischris Wrote:Hi Red, You have a BIG heart, and a gift for mediation. I believe the Bible term is "Peacemaker."

I too share here some things I can't talk about with others. At some point I began to withdraw from society. I quit going to church, or to the grocery store during the day, or outside for a walk; all because I was afraid to encounter people. I would burst out crying everytime someone spoke to me.

There came a time when my husband insisted I attend a wedding of a close family friend. I went, and of course there were several people from my church there. Several came up to me and hugged me and asked where I've been. OMG, it was the MOST uncomfortable I have ever been. I just wanted to go hide out. Well when we were seated for dinner, there were 3 others couples at our table and the women were friends of mine (from church), but not one of them had called me in all these months to inquire why I hadn't been around. One of the women asked if she could pray for me because she knew something was wrong. I started crying, which I said I wasn't going to do, then all the women at that table gathered around me and insisted I tell them what was wrong so they could pray for me.

Well, I spilled my guts about the injury, getting RSD, having a breakdown. It felt sort of good to be telling someone.

ALL of these ladies, who I had considered friends, told me they would call me for lunch, come over to check on me, etc., etc., etc. Sorry to say the wedding was in June, and it is now November, and I haven't heard a word from any of them. Now I don't want them to call me and I really don't want to go to church.

Well again, I did tell my psychologist about this and that I had lost faith because now when someone tells me they are going to pray for me, I just cringe my teeth because I know they are lying.

My psychologist put it in perspective for me. He said, when someone tells you they are going to pray for you, it's to make THEM feel better. Other than that, it means nothing.

My supervisor also told all the girls in our department not to call or have any contact with me.

Thanks for accepting me here, most of the time that is.

ChrisChris:
Thank you for what you wrote. I know exactly what you mean & feel. No one EVER knocks on my door except the mailman other than that, not a soul. Lonely for friends, YES I am...but why bother. I went to a BBQ with my husband a couple of years ago, it was my last. One of the wives said to me, "Do you have any friends?" said, "NO" She said,"Well you better go make some because these are all your husbands friends, you need friends of your own." Ever since that day, I stopped going out with him to any social events. This lady told me that because of my injury people don't want to hear about it, they just look at you as "poor thing."
I don't look at myself as poor thing...I am a survivor...and will continue to be...as long as I have my son, my dog and all my friends on this Board! Big Grin

jayne · 11-11-2007, 01:26 PM

I guess I am lucky...when my church says they will pray for you they do and they mean it...we are a small church less than 10 families but we call each other several times a week.....My town is small but they are caring while they dont visit it is because I wish it so....I am unable to cook and clean for company the way I used to so I am ashamed for them to see the cobwebs....or for there to be no fresh bread or rolls for company......but we are invited over other places often....I belong to a church that is one step down from mennonite...most women still wear their hair covered.....not me I am their wild child....and I came to this church AFTER I was injured...they came for me and took me and my family in and continue to hold us with love.....when they say they are praying for you you can bet your last dime they are on their knees....I have lost alot since my injury but I have gained so much more.....a better more involved church and a bunch of computer friends that care about me deeply.......I truly believe pain and all I am much better off today with my soul than I was before my injury......
Dont get me wrong I still get pissed.....I still engage mouth before brain.....I am not perfect....but I am so much more closer to God than I was before my injury and I know a true friend when I have one....
But I will still make alot of mistakes I hope you all will gently chew my (Jayne's lame attempt to bypass the Bad Word Filter) and forgive me my bull kaka...as I will yours

monster · 11-11-2007, 02:00 PM

Babebahn Wrote:
chrischris Wrote:Hi Red, You have a BIG heart, and a gift for mediation. I believe the Bible term is "Peacemaker."

I too share here some things I can't talk about with others. At some point I began to withdraw from society. I quit going to church, or to the grocery store during the day, or outside for a walk; all because I was afraid to encounter people. I would burst out crying everytime someone spoke to me.

There came a time when my husband insisted I attend a wedding of a close family friend. I went, and of course there were several people from my church there. Several came up to me and hugged me and asked where I've been. OMG, it was the MOST uncomfortable I have ever been. I just wanted to go hide out. Well when we were seated for dinner, there were 3 others couples at our table and the women were friends of mine (from church), but not one of them had called me in all these months to inquire why I hadn't been around. One of the women asked if she could pray for me because she knew something was wrong. I started crying, which I said I wasn't going to do, then all the women at that table gathered around me and insisted I tell them what was wrong so they could pray for me.

Well, I spilled my guts about the injury, getting RSD, having a breakdown. It felt sort of good to be telling someone.

ALL of these ladies, who I had considered friends, told me they would call me for lunch, come over to check on me, etc., etc., etc. Sorry to say the wedding was in June, and it is now November, and I haven't heard a word from any of them. Now I don't want them to call me and I really don't want to go to church.

Well again, I did tell my psychologist about this and that I had lost faith because now when someone tells me they are going to pray for me, I just cringe my teeth because I know they are lying.

My psychologist put it in perspective for me. He said, when someone tells you they are going to pray for you, it's to make THEM feel better. Other than that, it means nothing.

My supervisor also told all the girls in our department not to call or have any contact with me.

Thanks for accepting me here, most of the time that is.

ChrisChris:
Thank you for what you wrote. I know exactly what you mean & feel. No one EVER knocks on my door except the mailman other than that, not a soul. Lonely for friends, YES I am...but why bother. I went to a BBQ with my husband a couple of years ago, it was my last. One of the wives said to me, "Do you have any friends?" said, "NO" She said,"Well you better go make some because these are all your husbands friends, you need friends of your own." Ever since that day, I stopped going out with him to any social events. This lady told me that because of my injury people don't want to hear about it, they just look at you as "poor thing."
I don't look at myself as poor thing...I am a survivor...and will continue to be...as long as I have my son, my dog and all my friends on this Board!

Babe - That is probably the MOST unkind thing I have ever heard said to another human being in my life. I regret that woman is a part of the human race, much less that you had to hear those words out of a woman who more than likely was jealous for one reason or another. I don't know what this lady has experienced in her life time but I don't believe you should let that one statement run your life. You need to go out, hold your head high and show the world that your injuries will not beat you physically or mentally and that the statement of one unkind soul will not hold you back either. I know it is difficult to do, most of us here are living it but we all neeed as a group to do our best to show these people that they are wrong about us, we are still valuable to our families and friends and that we are important.

PLEASE, let those words fall on deaf ears. You need to get out and go out with your hubby when you are up to it. I WILL pray that the lord gives you the strength to go out and be not only a part of the world again but to enjoy the time you are missing with your hubby when he goes places.

Love,
monster.

PS - Red, thank you again for the words of wisdom Smile

jayne · 11-11-2007, 02:41 PM

Babe I wish you were close...I would invite you to my home cobwebs and all and we would eat store bought bread with our dinner....

red1030 · 11-11-2007, 03:40 PM

monster, thank you for what you wrote for Babe, i was thinking the same thing when I read it late last night and then thought how can I say what I want to say in nice words. I wasn't feeling very nice about that woman, and forgive me for saying this, at least she packages like a woman, but does not feel like a women. That was as you said one of the meanest things I have ever heard anyone say to anyone else.

Babe, you are always welcome here. I didn't use to know you well, but the more I am getting to know you, the more I like what you say. You are always so kind and so helpful here maybe not so much in web sites and information but just your presence is beautiful in this on line family. When you won in BINGO I was so happy becasue I wanted to send something from me to you. I just felt it tug at my heart strings...and as you can see from jaynes last post.... I don't have to wait until I have a feeling for her... she steps right up to the plate and lets me knwo what is on her list...gotta love her, don't we.... she is great... what can I say, less work for me, lol....but back to you... I was so happy that my package to you brought you a little joy in your life. You know that means the world to me, to know that a little talent that I have can bring joy to wonderful and caring people such as yourself. god bless you always.. and please take the words of our wise blue cookie monster..the more I get to know her the more I know, she is geniuely caring and has a heart that would save the world if she could. She truly cares for each of us so much and she is a pleasure to know and call friend.... as are all of you, you included Babe.... love Red

chrischris · 11-11-2007, 09:08 PM

Jayne, You are very blessed to have such good friends from within your congregation. I think that the bigger the church, the easier it is to get lost in.

Babe, I agree with the others. Do you ever wonder if it's because we're in California? Tongue