prayers please

[vickinat]

I too have had to deal with another persons addiction. My ex-fiance, my daughter and I moved from Pa.to Ca. in 1998, to help his sister deal with his dad's Althiemers.

He has Cerebral Palsy on his left side since birth. His right side is very strong. He ended up getting into drugs thru a friend at his work. I thought that he only tried it once or twice. He became this abusive person that I didn't even know anymore. I found that he was doing cystal meth and some other things. I finally had to have the police remove him from my apartment. I had to get a restraining order on him for domestic abuse in 11/04, this is for 3 years and will end this Nov.

I ended up losing my car and apartment because of him, plus many treasured items that he stole and sold, he ruined my credit card account, and took all the money I had in my bank account. He came to where I was staying in 1/05, and tried to have me take him back, and that he was clean and sober and wouldn't go back to the drugs. I told him that he crossed the line with me, and that I had told him in the beginning of our relationship, if he ever hit me it would be over. He said that he couldn't believe that he threw away 7&1/2 years with me, because of the drugs. I told him that he did and that we never could be together again. He was great during the first 6 years or so, we had problems like all couples, but when drugs entered the picture, he changed and became violent.

My ex-husband sent me money for a bus ticket and I came back to Pa. about a week after the encounter with him. My ex-husband and I were married when I was 16 and he has always tried to be like a brother to me since we split up, and watched over me. He still helps me out, as well as his fiance. I'm gratefull that I was able to get back here away from my ex-fiance, but now am a stronger person and look forward to going back to Ca. to be around my daughter and grandbabies.

Sorry so long, this thread just hit home for me.
Take care
Vickie

[ksgirl]

Vickie, I understand. My first husband was an alcoholic who enjoyed coke and beating me up. I was with him from the age of twelve to eighteen. I had tried to stay away from him, but it seemed like we had to get married and divorced to get us apart. I had moved in with him when I was fourteen and I didn't tell anyone what was going on for a long time. Abuse is a horrible thing, whether the person abusing is an addict or not, but when they are an addict, it makes it easier to try to make excuses for them.

I just know that I will never again be in an abusive relationship again. I have found enough self confidence to make sure I don't go that route again. I am so glad you got away from him and have a supportive ex husband and I hope you never go through anything like that again. I also hope you get to Ca. soon to be with your daughter and grands!

[vickinat]

Ksgirl:
Thank you that was nice of what you said. My father was an alcoholic and would hit my mom, I could never understand why she stayed with him. He's dead and gone now though.

I know I'll never be in an abusive relationship again. Thanks for your response. It'll be awhile till I can be in Ca, due to my injury and dealing with the W/C crap. But someday it'll happen.
Take care
Vickie

[monster]

You are all stronger than me. After my dad got custody of me when I was 6 or 7 I went to live with my mother at the age of 13 or 14 after having not seen or talked to her in all that time. My dad never mentioned her to me (now I understand why) and my 'then' step mom did nothing but talk bad about her when she was mentioned at all.

She was and probably still is addicted to drugs and an alcoholic. I went to see my 1/2 sisters and her last year at spring break. She was pissed because I didn't stop at her house first (I never would have been able to find it)...my sisters met me in town at the McDonalds parking lot so I wouldn't get lost. We finally found her at 3 in the morning at a casino mad because she wasn't first on the list. I thank God every day that my dad got custody of me when he did otherwise I would be just like her, sleeping with a different man every night, a thief, drug addict and alcoholic. I can't stand to look in the mirror because to me I look just like her. I drove 1300 miles to try and put this nehind us and maybe build a relationship, but I am not as nice as you all... I will never make another attempt nor do I care to. She tried to drown me as a baby, a neighbor saved me, she would drop me off at the curb of people's homes not even knowing if anyone was there and just drive away. My dad hired a PI in order to get custody of me and it was granted in a time in which men hardly ever got custody of their children. I don't remember much of anything before I was 7 and I am thankful for that. I don't know how my sisters turned out so well, it was definitely not from her guidance. Her and my step dad were put in jail shortly after I went to live with them...grand theft, they had walked out with a huge diamond ring on her finger from a local jewelry store and then got stopped on the way home for speeding. She managed to finally get out on bail (he went to Huntsville for an extended stay) she took me and my baby brother and sister (other sister wasn't born yet) to Albertsons and had me keep watch while she switched price tags on of all things puppy items (collars, leashes, etc.). We were takled in the parking lot on the way out and taken to a storage room where I was treated like a common criminal. I had no idea what she was doing and they let me go home with the little one's.

I am a lucky soul, my dad ruined his naval career to get me out of that situation. I never knew that until a few years ago. He is a good man and without him I would probably be a drug whore in a gutter somewhere.

Jayne I am sorry I swiped your thread, I for some reason needed that off my chest and have no one else to talk to...thank you. I feel for all of you who are going through this...I am not strong enough to stand by their side and watch them do these things to themselves and their families that love them. My prayers go out to all of you who know how to love better than I do...

[ksgirl]

My mom was also an alcoholic after my dad died. That's part of why I ended up with the guy I was with. Monster, it sounds like your dad is a very special man. I understand why you want to be near him. My mom quit drinking several years ago, but her memory of my childhood and my memeroies don't always match. She's finally starting to see what her actions have done. My oldest sister is a drug addict and I don't have anything to do with her. I love her, but the only time she contacts me is to ask for money and I won't give her any. I have tried to help her several times over the years, but I can't anymore.

Has anyone ever noticed that not only are we, or have we gone through wc, but a lot of us haven't had very easy lives? I think we all fit together in so many ways. I'm really sorry that we have been injured in so many ways, but I am glad that we have each other for support. I know that if anyone ever needs to talk, just pm me, and I'll be there.

[vickinat]

Monster:
I'm so sorry to hear that you had a terrible childhood as well. I'm glad your dad was able to get you and take care of you. I know that from all the emotional damage that my dad did to my mom, that she was always different than the other moms. I was the only girl and the baby of the family. I would end up in fights with other kids because they would say that my mom was a crazy lady. She had alot of things that she went thru during her life.

I'm so glad that you turned out ok. Ksgirl, I see what you mean about people having not had very easy lives. Maybe that's why alot of us worked so hard to make something out of ourselves, and put a roof over our heads that we just pushed our bodies to their limits. I know I began working at the age of 12. Got married way to young, worked full time during high school, and so on.

Jayne I too am sorry for swiping your thread. I originally was just gonna say a small post, but like I said earlier this hits close to home.
I pray you and your family get the peace it needs.
Take care
Vickie

[jayne]

I think this thread helped more than just me....and maybe that is why I felt compelled to to start it...I normally keep stuff like this to myself so maybe someone somewhere felt we needed to share more than just our injuries....

[ksgirl]

How are you tonight Jayne? How is your sister and family? I am sorry that you are all going through this, but you are right, I think this has helped a lot of people. We are trying to deal with wc and injuries, but sometimes the rest of our lives jumps in there too, and we have to deal with so much. I hope that you are ok and that your sister is healing in more ways than one. Miracles do happen.

[vickinat]

Jayne:
I agree with ksgirl, I think you hit it on the nail also when you said that maybe we needed to share things other than our injuries. I truly hope everything works for the best for you and your family.

Keep the faith
Vickie

[mel1980]

Well i didnt realize this thread until now..And i feel like i have to tell my story...I to didnt have it very easy as a child either in the beginning...My mother was and im sure still is a drug addict (she got into drugs 1 year after i was born) and my father was and still is an alcoholic...With that said i do have a sister who is 3 yrs older then me,..my parents divorced after i was a year old..My mother just packed up and left with me and my sister one day when my dad was at work..She didnt want us she just wanted the child support...She got very heavy into drugs and would leave us places for days at a time with her druggie friends..I really dont remmeber to much from the time i was 1-5...Well anyway to make a long story short she had custody of us but didnt want us..My dad paid child support and got us very other weekend..Well if it wasnt for my grandmother my fathers mother i would not be here today/...She steppped in and got a lawyer and got us away from our mother...She became my legal guardian...She is the only family i have besides my sister...I do not speak with either my mother or father as how do u do that to a child..Im sorry this subject is very touchy to me