I need funnies please....

[vickinat]

Monster

An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers on board,
>but only 4 parachutes - The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best
NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, and I can't afford to die." So he
>took
>the 1st pack and left the plane.
>
>The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former
U.S. President, a NY State Senator and a potential future
president. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's
people don't want me to die." She took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the
>plane.
>
>The 3rd passenger, Ted Kennedy said, "I am a US Senator, the
Democratic party needs me and my liver still has some good years left." So
>he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.
>
>The 4th passenger, Billy Graham, said to the 5th passenger, a 10
>year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left,
>and as a Christian, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
>parachute. The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman took my school bag."


I'm glad you are laughing, they say it is the best medicine.
Vickie

[red1030]

You guys are out doing yourself tonight...I liked them all. How do you find this stuff. I guess I am just made of too much serious stuff... not enough humor.. but I love it coming from other people...love Red

[vickinat]

Monster:
Here's one more for you.

THEY WALK AMONG US

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty-dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money to me again. When I gave her the money back again...same scenario! I left the store with the $46.64. This actually happened in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane ..............They Walk Among Us and many Work Retail.

I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said, "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free. " She handed me two free sandwiches and I walked out the door...........They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and Said, "Where?"......They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."......They Walk Among Us!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call-center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call-center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." .............They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.............They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a soda run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount................They Walk Among Us!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" ...............They Walk Among Us!

[mel1980]

there are a couple of good websites out there read funnyjokes.com and some other sites...Glad you enojoyed some of them..Sometimes its good to be silly...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[monster]

Who needs pain meds when I have you guys Thank you so much. I still hurt but now it's bearable and I'm still chuckling. These were all great and I will read them over and over before the night is over (That's how bad my memory is...it'll be like reading them for the first time again, LOL)

XOXOXOX
monster

[vickinat]

I'm glad you like them, some of them were emailed to me by a dear friend in Ca. I have a folder with his name, just for his emails.

Take care
Vickie

[mel1980]

glad to hear it monster Wish we could do this all day !!! Let me know anytime you need a laugh and i will do my best As you all have helped me over the past few weeeks Pay it Forward..that was a great movie and a movie to live by

[AQA]

The responce from my ic adjuster after I used some choice words to her. the photo is a true resemblance of her.

[mel1980]

LOL ROLFMAO

[monster]

Hee, hee, hee...need some kleenex over here