Off topic humor - Labor Pain Transfer

[Dallas307]

Texas Women
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a Woman from Colorado and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and dinner cooked.

The second man had married a woman from Nebraska. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

[WCisBS]

Hung Chow
====================

Hung Chow: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work."

The boss says: "You know Hung Chow I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."

[Dallas307]

LMAO I think he got a raise.........but he may have an issue with his salary.

[WCisBS]

An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do
you stay in such great physical condition?"

I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy," and that's why I'm
in such good shape." I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up
and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be
more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?"

"Who said my Dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's
still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed
with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a
walk, that's why he's still alive ... he's Italian and he's a golfer, too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to
it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died ?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your
grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is
getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with
you this morning too?"

"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!!
Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

[Guest]

roflmao, you guys are killing me!

[Dallas307]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop

Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would

be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.

Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch

an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and

some ammo and ship him to Iraq Tell him if he wants to come to America

then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while

he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become

a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be

taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal

immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens

trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship

them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If

you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your

friends.

I just did.

[WCisBS]

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, they took most of it.