Depression

[Sithie]

I will start out saying that is probably going to be one rambling pathetic post. I am dealing with depression. I have been on and AD for about a year now. (Lexapro) It was working for a while. A month and a half ago I told Dr. that it was not working anymore. He did nothing.

I sleep all the time, I can't sleep at night, I go to bed about 2-3am, and then I cant (not won't, literelly CANT) get up in the morning. I sleep till 2-3-5 in the afternoon. I cry all the time, I dont want to leave my house.

I have a new dr appt in thurs at 9:45 in the morning, an hour away. I hope I can get up and go and I pray he helps me. They have been supposed to send me to a shrink for a year, but they never have.

I don't even know why I told you all this as I know there is nothing you can do. Since I have been injured all the friends I have made here have moved away. I am from Texas that is where my family is. I used to do stupid things like by alittle bit of groceries every day so I would have a reason to go to town, but since they quit paying me, that is not an option. I got all reeady to voleenteer at the libruary, but my lawyers say that the ic will make a mountain out of it, so I qut that.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I am not sucidal or anything so please don't freak out on me

Sithie

[sweet tooth]

sorry your going thru this i know you have heared this before but really im going thru the same stuff do you reme,mber the coffee cup thread i had on here? if it hadnt been for the prayers of all of you dont know what i would have done . the dr has me on 6 different meds for this and the nerve damage together . remember we love you and are praying for you rite you a note and put it in your pocket that says sweet tooth said there all praying for me and god is never late (who said that) he will take care of me ,dont get me wrong there no power in the note but there is power in turning to god in our thim of need

[jayne]

call me when you are awake

[red1030]

Sithie, I understand all too well. In May 05 my life changed completely. I left work one day and the next morning I simply could not move again. This is what happened 1996 the first time also. My husband called the VA to send an ambulance, they picked me up and the rest is history I guess..but what became of all that was I spent more days in the hospital then out throughout the entire summer of 2005. I was very ill and had to learn to walk again. I had to learn to use my hands again. Then other issues cropped up and I just decided that I nothing left to live for ... I would sleep until 3 - 5 PM, then get up and get on the couch to sleep somemore. I would get up around 7 Pm to have dinner with the family and then off to bed for the night. I did this until I found this forum. I was seeing two mental health care providers and I was on AD's two of them ... and yet nothing seem to give me life again. What I found was that depression controls us. Never in my life would I have thought that something like depression could actually take over and control my life, but it did. While I was in it, I kept asking what am I doing, why am I doing this, I am not going to do this and yet everyday it is the same thing time and time again. I lived for my dreams. My dreams about life before the changes occurred.

So why did I say this, Sithie, depression removes hope, it removes self confidence, it removes a desire to keep living. I am glad that you wrote that you are not suidal, however, never let you guard down. You need to see someone and right away. You possibly need to change your AD to another one and possibly two. There are some that compliment each other very well. But even more than this, I had to find something worth living for. For me, I found this site and we decided to move to Oregon. That did wonders for me. There has too be something out there that will help you to regain that hope that you have loss. I know that you have a terrible disease. I know that trying to obtain services through the W/C system is beyond stressful, and I am sure that life looks rather grim right now.

I am so glad that you shared with us how you are feeling. I would never have guessed from your comments here. Now I know that you go at the top of my prayer list tonight. You are a wonderful person and have helped me so much just being you. I want to just set here and cry because I know the pain that you feel emotionally right now, and I don't know about RSD, but I do know about MS. I would prefer to never feel that depressed again...I will keep my MS and its challenges, but please lord never let me feel this depressed again.

Sithie call me any time and just know that you are in my prayers until you tell me that you are healed. My heart is with you.....know you are in my thoughs,.. hugs are coming to you from me to you...love Carol

[ksgirl]

Sithie I am so sorry you are going through this. Depression can be extremely debilitating. I had a chemical imbalance for several years, so I do know where you are coming from. In my case the Dr had me on a medication that was too strong to begin with. After we changed my meds a few times I was "normal" again. I also know that sometimes a med will work for a while and then it doesn't and you have to find a new one. There seems to be a lot of trial and error involved with treating depression.
One thing I do know is as hard as it is, you have to try to make yourself stay awake in the daytime. Even if it means a couple of days without any sleep. You have to make your body readjust itself. The whole thing just sucks doesn't it?
I hope you know that you can come here and talk to us anytime you need to. You are always there for us, we can be there for you. I hope I was able to offer at least a little bit of comfort.

[Spring]

My Dear Friend, Just tried to call you to see if we could just talk for a few...I know when after being able to talk with you I do feel better. You know what I am saying....just as Red does. Heck if I would of known you were up all last night we could of had a good talk all night...I was up all night also...went to bed around 4am. But mine was the pain. Sithie I know you have waited so long to just get to see a DR that will even try to help you. And you are just as so many of the rest of us....living with no money coming into you...and you have never had to do that....you were a very PROUD and INDEPENDANT WOMAN...and now feel as if you have let yourself down....but you haven't.....I have now spent enough time getting to know you personally...and you did nothing wrong but get up one day and go to work...and got injuried. I want you to hear me as a friend that has come to care for you....please if the depression becomes to much...you get in that truck of yours and drive to the hospital and you tell them your story....and tell them you just can't go on like this anylonger...and request some help. I just can't stand to continue to keep hearing all our stories of denials of health care treatment.....money due to us...couseling when needed so badly. I just wish I knew what to do. I will be gone to my sons for awhile. I will talk with you soon....I love you girl. I know how you are feeling. Please try to keep the pain level down...

[monster]

Sithie, I'm so sorry honey and I hate to hear you've been going through this for awhile now without letting us know. Now physically we're not there with you...but mentally we are. You know you can always come here and tell us this stuff, there's no need to try and deal with it all by yourself when you have us too. Please do your best not to miss the appt on Monday. Do you have someone who could possibly go with you? Please keep us updated as to how you're feeling. Aren't you starting online classes? Can you tell me when? I know it helped me and I hope it will help you as well. Hopefully the doc will get your meds changed and you will feel better quickly. Love and hugs girl and yes, you are definitely on top of the prayer list tonight.

Now say, "sister Sithie" five times really fast and you MUST keep a straight face while saying this otherwise you will have to answer to the 'head wuss monster' okay?

[Deb]

Sithie, maybe you could look into something with a church. I don't really know the kinds of things that you like to do or even what you can do. All I know is sweetie you need to pull yourself up, get out of that four walls that will consume you and breathe some fresh air. Look for the positive, it's there waiting for you to find it. You have all my best wishes and I will pray for you daily.

You take care of YOU and keep us posted.
Deb

[Sithie]

Okay, hubby is waking me with him in the morning, you all can start calling at 8 I am going to bed now even if I just lay there all night.

Talk with you all tomorrow

AND THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, THI MAY WELL BE THE HARDEST FIGHT I HAVE EVER HAD.

Sith

[chrischris]

Hi Sithie, Hope you're feeling a little better today. I can't believe it's almost midnight. Like you, I'm a night owl. I hate to go to sleep. My husband said a couple of nights ago I woke him up because I was kicking and I can't repeat what he said was coming out of my "potty" mouth. Ugh! That's not me.

So, what are we going to do about this?

Take charge and TELL the doctor you want to try a different medication for the depression.

It will help if you put things in perspective. Quit referring to these docs as YOUR docs. They are not YOUR docs if you are in WC. They are working for WC. Granted they may or not not be good docs but WC is not like your regular health care. With private insurance you are free to pick and choose and change docs and get treatment when you need it, etc., etc., etc.

In WC, the docs send all referrals for procedures and treatments to WC for approval. A WC doc will review the referrals and opinion on them as to medically necessary or not. WC makes the final decision. Enough said on this for now.

As far as you not seeing a "shrink" and they have been jacking you around for a year, that is just shameful. Has a referral to a mental health care provider been approved? If it has, then you can forego waiting for "them" to make you an appt. and do it yourself. Just make sure if your Employer has an MPN (medical provider network) that you use one of the doctors from that approved list.

When I made my appt., all I had to do was give the psychologist my case # and the adjusters name and phone #. He then called and verified that the appt. would be paid for and that was that.

If for some reason unknown to me, that won't work, call your local hospital's patient coordinator and ask if they sponsor any mental health service counseling programs. Many of the hospitals do this, and can refer you to one that specializes in depression counseling. You will be asked some questions about your type of depression so they can match you up. Sometimes it is with a social worker and sometimes with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. A psychologist and a psychiatrist do basically the same thing, except a psychologist is not a medical doctor and cannot prescribe medications. But he can contact the WC doc and suggest appropriate meds so the WC doc can scribe them to you.

On my quest to find a mental health care provider, I talked to MANY psychologists and psychiatrists. I found psychiatrists to ALL be rather "stuffy". And just a hint here, they are ALL (Mostly all) Defense oriented.

Don't worry about not wanting to leave your house. You will when you feel comfortable. I don't leave much either, except for medical appts. and a quick trip to the store here and there. I feel like wearing a big hat and sunglasses so I won't be stopped by someone who knows me and wants to chitchat. I can't handle that yet. What I do lately is when it starts to cool down and turn to dusk, I go out to my front porch and just listen to some soft music and rock in my porch yard chair. It kind of calms me down, but it also makes me cry because life is just so sad.

Sleeping during the day, and being awake at night is one of the symptoms of depression. I think we can relate to the darkness more than the light in a depessive state of mind. To me it's more peaceful and quiet. Do you jump out of our skin when you hear noises? I do and my heart feels like it's going to explode.

Again I ask, just what are we going to do? I'd take full charge if I could but the slightest upset sends me into a meltdown. Maybe one thing we could do is try and identify the stressors and avoid them for now. Like talking with your Claims Adjuster. Just don't do it! Get caller I.D. if you don't already have it. Call someone you trust and can cry with. A good cry can be healthy.

Have you ever taken the Depression test online. There are many of them but the one I see the most is a 10 question test. If you answr 4-5 questions with a yes, you are to seek help immediately. Ha! I have a 9 on that test and like you, the only one I answer no to is "Do you ever feel like committing suicide?" That is the only question that keeps me going because it's the only connection I feel to God in my life right now. When I think about my death, I think about God, and it's the only time I allow Him to put His arms around me. I know He is always there for me and I am still a believer, but I just can't allow Him to put His arms around me any other time. That may sound silly but it is what it is, and I know I must be rambling.

The meds are the pits. I am taking so many right now. WC denied my Psyche Claim last week, so next time I need a refill it just won't happen. I'm hoping my Primary Care Physician (not WC) will help me out. The battle begins with round 2!

I shared with Monster that recently I had an updated MRI and it basically said there was nothing wrong with me, except a "little" arthritis. That is when "potty month" came out and said WTF? To make a long story short, I ended up getting my own "unbiased" report which was quite different. I know it was a good report because it was very similiar to my MRI taken 14 months earlier. My take on this is that my I/C (Claims Examiner) would rather kill me or have me die, than to treat me for my Work injury. What happened is criminal and I'm mad.

Sorry Sithie. I wrote a book. It only took me about an hour with these fingers. I make so many mistakes it's unreal, but if I see a mistake, I have to correct it. That's just me.

Hope you get some sleep tonight. My meds are kicking butt right now, but I don't want to sleep. I'll be around for a little while longer.