Just need a little advice on something from "mom"

[Cookiecrum]

I have a 3 1/2 year old son who didn't start talking till he was about three due to some hearing problems. Since he has been able to hear, he's been doing great. He is my buddy, my side kick, where ever mom is, my little man is right there with me.
Any ways, I am a stay at home mother and when I say stay at home I mean stay at home. The only time I go any where is to grocery shop or run errands for my husband. Other then that my son and I are at home all the time. I don't have any friends and he doesn't have any friends. My son is VERY SHY around people and gets very upset when people approach him, that's good for strangers but he shouldn't be like that with his own family, though he is. He wont even interact with his older brother (hes 31) When his aunt comes over it takes 30 minutes or so for him to "warm" up to her but even then he is still not very interactive with her. He loves his grandmother and isn't like that around her. She baby sat alot when I was going to doctors and pt, but most of that is history now. So it is both of us at home with nothing to do. I mentioned to my husband that he needs interactions with children and other people and I have even mentioned joining the Y or going to the mall (they have a play area at the mall) and all he is worried about as how much that is going to cost, gas is expensive etc.
I don't know how to get my husband to agree that our son needs this.
I am actually afriad that when he gets to school, they are going to call me to come pick him up because of how he is acting.
I know what it is like going day to day without having a friend so I can imagine what he feels like.
Is there anything I can do? Any advice?
I thought about leaving but there are a few problems with that. I only have family in another state and I have looked for work but no one will hire me because of my hand. I get the "we can't accomidate you right now"
Any advice would be greatful and well appreciated!!!!

[admin]

I do a lot of work with a civic group that helps children with speech and hearing disabilities. A child who has hearing issues that are not corrected by the age of two is at severe risk of future developmental issues. That time is critical. When was his hearing restored? You would be well advised to reach out to a hearing expert in your area to see if there are any programs that can help him, particularly if he needs work in socialization skills. Find out if there is a Sertoma Club in your area (pronounced sir-toe-ma). They may be able to assist you in finding those resources. My Sertoma clubhas been running a speech clinic for children for over 25 years here in Sarasota. It is designed for those family's that have limited means and cannot afford help from the private sector.

http://www.sertoma.org

What part of Florida are you in?

[jayne]

church is a good place to start.....if you have a small one that is..... a big church would scare him.....get ahold of Bummer knees she is also hearing impared and will have a boatload of info for you and ways to help your little guy....you are right to try and get him out of that extreem shyness before school starts....good luck and know we are rooting for you....

[Cookiecrum]

I am about 35 minutes away from Sarasota. I live in Ruskin. He had ear tubs put in Sept of 09 After seeing his regular doctor and her telling us he was fine I decided to switch doctors. He was seeing a speech therapist till age three. Then he was suppose to go to speech at the school for 30minutes once aweek, that did not work out.
He does not have any social skills at all, I figure that is because he doesn't interact with people.
Thank you

[Bummer Knees]

Hi Cookiecrum.

There is a federal manadate to serve children with special needs, ages 0-5.

I served for many years on the Kansas state Interegency Coordinating Council on Early Childhood Development.

From what you have posted I do believe your son may qualify for an Early Childhood Program in your area. This a a program in a center based preschool type setting, your son will receive services to meet his special needs. This may be a speech language pathologist, earlychildhood teacher, and other services as the IFSP team determines needed, transportation is also provided.

The team will start with an evaluation on your son to determine his needs.
Please understand thease services are at no cost to families.

I have posted contact information for your state.


Programs for Children with Disabilities: Ages 3 through 5

Bureau of Exceptional Education and Student Services
Florida Department of Education
325 W. Gaines Street, Suite 601
Tallahassee FL 32399-0400
(850) 245-0478

marilyn.hibbard@fldoe.org
http://www.fldoe.org


Please send me a pm if you have any questions.

[bodybuilder1958]

Hi,

Seems like your son and my oldest have/had alot in common. A momma's boy, very loved, social able among certain people. Very loving, attentative, once again only to those within his circle.

My son, meningitis at age 18 months. Profoundly deaf to age 5 due to ear infections, tubes growing into ear drum. Corrected at age 5. 3yrs, speech therapy to age 8 yrs. Upon entering kindergarten socially at age 3 yrs, academically 4th grade if not higher.

No one would deal with my son, brilliant but socially inept. He sang, read on a 6th grade level age age 5. Learning long division before he entered kindergarten.

But because we didn't have the interventions, the proper school, the knowledge, my son suffered. I'm not saying that your son has long term problems, more than likely he needs to be among his peers. Time with others will tell. I know that from parent experience. My son acted out less with us because he knew we would stop him. But with paras, social workers, etc he literally went off. Did things we would never, ever dream of. It took over 2 hrs of different videos for us to realize that he wasn't normal.

Have your son evaluated please. Let him be able to explore with others his own age. He needs and deserves that and so do you.

BB

[Cookiecrum]

He is doing pretty good talking, I am mostly worried about socializing. He should not be afraid of people(family members) he has met before.
I didn't realize just how important having friends and people to socialize with is.
I had taken him for an evaluation to see where he is as far as on a learning level and they told me the evaluation would be 3 to 4 hours long. When the lady came out after only 15-20 minutes and told me they were done. I said that was a fast 3 hours and she said he knew everything and more then most kids his age ( at that time he could not talk at all) That's when they told me he would just need speech for 30 minutes once a week. That's where we had the problem. I took him to his first time and he would not even look at the teacher. He just sat in the chair with his head down. Big problem in my eyes.
He is pretty good around me, he acts up a bit around his dad but nothing alarming. I think maybe to because his father doesn't give him the attention I give him.
Last year I went to visit my sister in Virgina. (mind you that he didn't talk) My sister has a daughter and just about everyday he followed her around and copied everything she did and even tried to repeat some words she was saying, he also took a liking to my brother in law. Within minutes of meeting him for the first time he was sitting on his lap. I have never seen him with someone else like that.
I took him trick or treating and he loved it. My son and I were with my sister for 2 weeks and the change in my little man was amazing. As soon as we get home, he converts to everything he was before we left.
I know a big part of it is my husband. Like I said I have told him our son needs to meet people, he doesn't agree. He has told me several times he wants our son home schooled. I don't agree with that.
It is just hard to tell people things when they are as stubborn as a mule.
Any ways thanks to everyone.

[Bummer Knees]

Cookiecrum I worked as an Early Childhood teacher for 10 years. Social skills is a very important part of early childhood development.

Who did the evaluation and how old was your son at the time?

The 0-2 population is served under Part H of the law and often a seperate agency with different regulations. When a child turns 3 yrs they are served under the same law that provides services to the Kindg - 12th grade.

In my opinion you need to contact your local agency and request another evaluation. Since he has already been evaluated once; a simple screening of his development would be appropiate and tell the school staff what they need to know.

It sounds like you son did qualify for services and had a speech only IFSP, this is very common. Being shy around a speech therapist at this age is also common, give it time and your son will be okay. Please understand the professionals are trained to work with your child in all types of situations.

My son has Autism and was evaluated for public schools at the age of 2 1/2 at that time he would not look at pictures in a book, look at the teachers or speech therapist; he avoided facial contact. This was not a big issue for the school staff and they were able to work thru this.

If you are concerned about social skills only you might check into a Mom's day out program, private preschool, or a Head Start Program.

[jayne]

Cookie I have 2 Grandsons that are autistic they only spoke one or two words at a time and didnt like anyone but their Mom and Dad and sister......They came here to our farm (we hadnt seen them in 10 years...... long story)he watched a neighbor milk her goats and it was like a dam breaking words just tumbled out 3 and 4 at a time....they were here just 3 days that time but he would speak of the goat and the chickens and things with his Mom and teachers but nothing else interested him...so they came back for 6 weeks this last summer and they just bubbled like brooks.....so if you can find what outside the house is his trigger....you got it made....David and Micheal only can play with farm animals at Nanas and Papas house but....they can only stay there for a long time if they get good grades.....so they earn extra time sometimes they have to bring them down for spring break or a long weekend as a special incentive...All Micheal wants to do is milk goats David wants to get eggs....Kids are so special

[injuredinil2]

Cookiecrum Wrote:He is doing pretty good talking, I am mostly worried about socializing. He should not be afraid of people(family members) he has met before.
I didn't realize just how important having friends and people to socialize with is.
I had taken him for an evaluation to see where he is as far as on a learning level and they told me the evaluation would be 3 to 4 hours long. When the lady came out after only 15-20 minutes and told me they were done. I said that was a fast 3 hours and she said he knew everything and more then most kids his age ( at that time he could not talk at all) That's when they told me he would just need speech for 30 minutes once a week. That's where we had the problem. I took him to his first time and he would not even look at the teacher. He just sat in the chair with his head down. Big problem in my eyes.
He is pretty good around me, he acts up a bit around his dad but nothing alarming. I think maybe to because his father doesn't give him the attention I give him.
Last year I went to visit my sister in Virgina. (mind you that he didn't talk) My sister has a daughter and just about everyday he followed her around and copied everything she did and even tried to repeat some words she was saying, he also took a liking to my brother in law. Within minutes of meeting him for the first time he was sitting on his lap. I have never seen him with someone else like that.
I took him trick or treating and he loved it. My son and I were with my sister for 2 weeks and the change in my little man was amazing. As soon as we get home, he converts to everything he was before we left.
I know a big part of it is my husband. Like I said I have told him our son needs to meet people, he doesn't agree. He has told me several times he wants our son home schooled. I don't agree with that.
It is just hard to tell people things when they are as stubborn as a mule.
Any ways thanks to everyone.

You should hand your husband some books and tell him to have at it. Be sure he gets all the important stuff covered!