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My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - jdx4 - 01-25-2008 04:58 PM
First my disclaimer - I know there is nobody to blame for our situation and if there is any fault it is our. I don't think anybody is responsible or obligated to provide for our family but us. With that being said, prepare yourself for a long story...
Last August, (told you...long story) my mother in law had a stroke/heart attack or something. Dr never said for sure only that her obesity and diabetes played a major role. It could have even been a side effect from ambien. Anyway she was out of work for a quite a few weeks and was not able to get std. Mostly because the dr released her back to work but she didn't feel she was ready to go back so didn't. Before we knew all this, a few days after it happened, they didn't know how they were going to make it without her income so we gave them $300 or $400. At the time I still had my 401k money from my last job. They had purchased a fridge for us a few years back and we told them the money was to repay that even though they said it was a gift. She finally went back to work part time. Fast forward to November. My 401k money is gone, I have not been able to find a job and we are having problems paying November rent. My husband talked to his dad, just talked/vented didn't ask for anything. He said they wished they were in a position to help us but they were in the same boat we were in. He would help us move if we needed to. About a week later we met them for breakfast and they mentioned that they were going tv shopping after to find a big flat screen for their living room and talked about remodeling their house. (side note- the nice 36 inch tv they currently had was given to them by my mother because she did not need it) I did tell them that we would like the old tv back if they were not going to use it anymore because I didn't want them to sell it and get money from something they got for free. We did get it back btw. Back on track, not long after that they went on vacation to CA to visit friends. No special occasion just to get away. So that's about $3,000 for the tv plus what ever the trip cost. early December my mother-in-law quits her job because she can't handle the stress. She still has some memory problems, cronic headaches, etc. etc. She was supposed to get a 'stress free' job through friends but she hasn't done it yet. For Christmas the adults usually draw names but we didn't this year so we scraped together gifts for everyone. I buy sale items all year so the majority came from that. My in-laws gave all the grand kids a pair of pjs and one toy. My kids have inventory for a small toy store so the lack of presents was not the issue. The issue was their 'times are tight' excuse. Another side note - my brother in-law and his family live with my in-laws, brother pays utilities parents pay mortgage. While my husband was in the hospital, one night they had to leave early so they could go pay their power bill before it got shut off. Fast forward to now. You all know the situation we are in now with absolutely no income. A few days ago the in-laws came over and she was in a bad mood. I asked her why and she said that they just bought a computer and it didn't have all the programs she thought it would have. I asked them why they bought a new computer since the one they had was fairly new and they said because the new one is a laptop. They know our situation, and that it would take about $5000 for us to get caught up and hold us until WC kicks in. Aside from babysitting and getting us boxes incase we have to move, they have not helped or offered to help at all. Not even $20 for groceries. Sorry for the long story but am I wrong to be a little bit bitter? By the way my mom has bent over backwards to help us as much as she can. Even taking more 12 hour shifts and she's 70 years old.
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - jayne - 01-25-2008 05:26 PM
Yes you can be bitter even if she didnt help you out money wise she could keep her buying spree to themselves,course you could always move in with them....
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - ksgirl - 01-25-2008 10:36 PM
Rant away, that one of the things we are here for. I know how you feel. When you help people you do it because you want to, not because you want something in return. BUT, it does hurt when you need help and the people you have helped in the past know it and don't even offer their assistance. I always figure that karma will hit us all at one time or another. Things will start looking up. Have you heard from your landlords yet?
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - capricorn - 01-26-2008 07:24 AM
JDX>>> I understand since I've been there. Hurtful is the word that comes to my mind. Vent all you want. We all need to at times and have lots of support and understanding here. God bless.
CAP
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - imsckofit - 01-26-2008 11:20 AM
what I say is private sorry..look elsewhere
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - Still in Limbo - 01-26-2008 12:26 PM
I'm so sorry to Hear of Your Situation, and I Surely Understand Your Hurt! I also Understand it's Their Money to Do as they Wish with it, but I think Your Husband, My Opinion Only, should set-down with them and get these Bad Feelings out in the Open, so it Doesn't Fester. When Your Husband Called, as You said He didn't Ask for Help, and the Parents replied to His Venting by Saying they Wish They Could Help, maybe, just maybe they thought that Your Husband would of Possibly felt Bad or Something, if they Offered Help, Heck I don't know, I'm just trying to Make You Feel a Bit Better if I can! As trying as Your Times are Right now, if they are Causing too Much Stress in Your Lives, I would Surely get it out in the Open, You and Your Husband have enough on Your Plates to be having to Deal with their Spending Sprees, and having to Hear about them! I Surely Hope All Goes Well with Your Landlord, and Please feel Free to Vent Anytime, We've all Done it Before, and Probably Will Again!!!
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - jayne - 01-26-2008 06:53 PM
are ya feeling better today?
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - jdx4 - 01-26-2008 11:18 PM
And the money keeps rolling in....Ok, not really but anyway..
One of my Aunts called me this morning. I don't keep in touch with her that often mostly because she's very critical of me. I love and respect her tremendously but I think she views me as the bad seed. Back on topic...I updated her on on everything that was going on with Josh's health (she's a dietician). I never mentioned our financial woes but my mom must have because she told me she is sending a little bit of money now to help us out and then next week she is going to send us another check to cover rent and utilities! I blubberingly (is that a word?) told her she sh didn't have to do that much (or anything for that matter). She said, "I'm not an aunt that remembers everyone's b-day or Christmas but I'm there when you need me and this money is not a loan." Huh? are you kidding me? I didn't say that, only 'thank you' over and over and over. I'm sure by the end of this ordeal we will end up owing friends and family a lot of money (at least my family) and it's such a relief to have one less debt to pay back. (not that I won't ever pay it back if we ever get ahead)
I have not heard from our landlord yet but I did leave him a message about being able to pay him next week. When I talked to him last time I did mention paying him out of the settlement as an option.
I still plan to go to family services Monday and get as much help as they can give me. I can always give it back right?
Sickof it-
No My in-laws don't want us to move in. You were close though... my brother inlaw and his family already live with them and that is why they want to remodel.
Yes, I know it's their money to do what they want. I guess my mom wore off on me too much. She once gave a stranger family she met at a gas station $100 to fix their car so they could get back to CA. No she's not gullible, but she wasn't going to risk not helping a family just because it might be a scam. And my mom has always struggled for money, especially being a single mom of 4. So I don't care how old my kids are, I will always be there to provide whatever I can to make sure they live happy healthy lives especially where grandkids are concerned.
I know how lucky we are to have so many people that care about us and not all of them provide the same type of support. This is really not about money. I guess what bothers me most is that I didn't think they were the type to act this way. I would be just as upset as if, say, they were being this way to his brother instead of us.
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - nurse83 - 01-27-2008 12:41 AM
what a wonderful aunt you have-------i was late reading this thread but 1) let it out on here-people know where you're coming from and i think you'll find a lot of support.............
2) letting things go unsaid and untalked about can lead to a whole heap of trouble because in my experience sooner or later one little thing will happen and everything will come out and it'll be bad-----------if it were me i think i'd sit down with the in-laws and let them know how you feel-----being careful to use "i feel" not "You do" (if that makes sense) and yes i think your in-laws have been very insensitive and/or unthinking given the situation you described
3) try to stay positive because there will be help from where you least expect it...........i'm a single mom and there have been times when i was struggling and i would do what i could and try to make arrangements for the rest and boom! i'd get an infusion of cash from something or someone most unexpected.
4) definitely take advantage of resources like churches, food banks, state aid...........it's there for those who need it.........and i'll bet you have donated/paid taxes for years...........now you need help and there's nothing wrong with asking for it!
you will be in my prayers...............
RE: My Rant *attitude advisory*- negative content - jayne - 01-27-2008 10:16 AM
My honey always says God will bring us what we need if we only just believe...notice I said NEED not WANT....and he always has....