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+--- Thread: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years (/showthread.php?tid=2536)
Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - CRABBY - 12-02-2007 05:34 PM
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me"
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
"For fast relief."
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
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RE: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - vickinat - 12-02-2007 05:43 PM
Crabby,
Thanks for sharing, very funny. Unfortuantly some are also very true, lol.
Take care
Vickie
RE: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - tony47 - 12-02-2007 05:47 PM
Thanks Crabby thats the first time i smiled in awhile here is one for you.
A nurse is interviewing 3 men in a nursing home one is 80 the other is 90 and the last is 100
The 80 year old says i would do any thing to take a healhy #1 again
The 90 year old says i would do any thing to take a healhty #2 again
The 100 year old says well every morning at 8 o'clock i take a heathy #1
At 9 o'clock i take a heathy #2 I just wish i could wake up before noon to do it !
God Bless Them
RE: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - CRABBY - 12-02-2007 05:56 PM
LOL...Oh to be young again!!!!! that is too funny, I'm probably gonna be like the 100 yoa....
RE: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - tony47 - 12-02-2007 06:01 PM
LOL i am only 48 and i am almost just like the 100 year old already Please lol
CRABBY Wrote:LOL...Oh to be young again!!!!! that is too funny, I'm probably gonna be like the 100 yoa....
RE: Ahhhh Serenity!!!! this will be me in a few years - CRABBY - 12-02-2007 06:09 PM
closing in on me are ya?...neck in neck for finish line!!!! Already sleeping past noon....don't know what I'll do when I get a real job again!!!! I guess I'll have to make it the midnight shift ..if it ever happens...LOL....I use to love the midnight shift in younger days.. no big shots around.....patroling was quiet and peaceful, until the bars closed..then watch out!!!! made nights go faster!!!!
Oh by the way, where's your picture for the elf brigade? waiting for all you guys to post them....