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I'm here - CRABBY - 08-30-2007 10:05 PM
Jayne and KSgirl;
I'm here ....I don't know what to say anymore....I'm really really depressed now...I think my mental state is due to lack of medicine...I have no medical ins as you know and I am insulin dependent since the injury...and I am unable to get my meds anymore either...I have trouble believing there are people like my former boss who can sleep at night knowing that they have wrecked someone's life foreverr...and all for what because I fell? It use to be called an accident...now its who said what and it doesn't correspond with what this one said and so forth...I remember growing up and back then I really do not remember it being so cut throat...I have to admit, when my husband was alive he was the brains of this pair...I mean to say he understood all this nonscense...I used to ask him "how did we ever get together" we were like day and night....I'm not saying I'm stupid, I am more trusting than he and I believe the good in people...just don't know how to pick them out now..I'm really doubting myself and my decisions...how many times have I said this recently " if I knew then what I know now, I would not have said anything at all....I don't even answer the phone anymore...it's just my bill collectors...and I don't have answers for them either....I have never been in this type of situation b-4 and it is so demeaning for me to not be able to pay my bills and keep my home...I remember my boss confronting me in our garage at the station...he usually did that so his conversation would not be on tape video/audio...and he accused me of going for a disability...and asked how was I going to take care of my animals and me after all is said and done? I just replied by saying I just want to be treated like any one else here (fairly) and my medical bills taken care of...not even that can happen now....I'm so screwed right now.....I look at my babies (animals) and I love them so much...and wonder what will happen to them...and If I do something to myself will GOD take me into heaven to be with my husband and family...or will I just float around in pergatory....I feel I'm there now....I see how long everyone here has had to wait I don't know how all of you have done it...I tried to be upbeat, but it's hard being here everyday and seeing everyone around you with a spouse and children and doing things together ...I don't have that anymore...I guess my point is this...I don't think I can wait this out ....I don't have that kind patience...I need to know I can keep my home I'm so scarred of losing it....I'm sick to my stomach all the time....I don't eat like I'm suppose to anymore....I just keep getting sick and then there is my other pain for the accident and I don't sleep I don't even have the energy to properly clean my house...I can't half the time, it bothers my arm too much...and I never was like that before...I always picked up everyday..it drives me nuts...all the paper work and forms and this and that...I have no family close here...all of them live out of state ...my 90yoa mother in law lives an hour away...but she doesn't understand the process...she thinks I should go out and just get another job and go on with life...it's not that easy...I've been applying in my field and I think my former employer is blacklisting me....I get no call back....it frustrating I wish I knew what to do thanks for listening again....sorry
RE: I'm here - red1030 - 08-30-2007 10:36 PM
Hi r...I know that you do not know me and I do not know you either, but I read what you were saying to ksgirl and jayne and my heart crys out for you. I don't have any answers for you...I have to say that because I don't want to give you any false hope. I don't even know you situation because I rarely go on the other site anymore. I do know by reading your post, that you are in a desperate sitaution. My first thought is to tell you that people love you. That you are not a lone. It may seem like it because you are alone in your home, in your situation with the bill collectors when they call etc. I will not deny that. But you are not alone in your pain and you are not alone when you have an entire on line family here to provide you with support and a listening ear. You spoke of not being on this earth. That is very scary to know that you feel this way and I am so far away that I can't reach out and hug you and tell you that you must live. You must get some help and right away. You said that you do not have insurance and you are not recieveing you medications. You said that you are a diebetic and that you are not taking medications or eating right. I am concerned. Please know that while I can't guarantee it, many of the hospitals have what is called an indigent program. By federal regulations if they want to recieve their funding from the US government they have to write off so many bills each year. You would fit that bill. You must obtain some help and now. I know that sounds bossy, but it is not, it is urgent. It is from my heart. If I knew where you lived and it was close enough to drive, I would be coming over and picking you up and taking you to the ER now. Please do not let this go any longer. Everything else can work it self out with time. You must get mental health assistance now... please hear me and know that I am speaking to you from my heart of a person who cares deeply for your plight right now. Please write back and tell us that you have sought help and that you are going to be ok. We are a family here. You need us and we need to help you. Do not give in to this terrible event that is creating all this self doubt and state of powerlessness... WE are here ,....you are not a lone... Red[/u]
RE: I'm here - Bummer Knees - 08-30-2007 10:45 PM
Please listen to what Red has to say. We do care about you.
Most hospital have programs to cover individuals without insurance.
Is the local hospital near your home and do you have a way to get there?
Please post us and let us know you agree to go to the local emergency room.
RE: I'm here - ksgirl - 08-30-2007 10:51 PM
rhdeke, Please don't be sorry for telling us how you feel. Most of us can understand. It's not fair what you or any of us are going through. I can understand that things happen, I can't understand why some employers treat us so badly. Financialy this can be devastating and emotionally it is devastating. You are fine one day, going to work and living life, then BOOM!, you get injured and life completely changes.
There are some very helpful people here who have knowledge about wc, and others who know how to save money. I think I'm mostly here to be here and listen. This forum also gives so much support and understanding. I am so glad I found others who know what I feel. You will be fine, just hang in there and let the amazing people here help.
I am also an animal lover. What pets do you have? I have horses, chickens, pigs, a calf, and a bunch of rat terriers. We had 3 litters of puppies about 9 weeks ago. I still have 14 of them left! It can be very hard to take care of the animals, but it is so wonderful to have dogs to love. I also have a husband and two daughters, but I swear, the puppies give me less trouble. There are several other animal lovers here. You'll get to meet all of them.
Just remember, we're here and we want you to be here too! Read some of the signatures people use. Some of them are very uplifting. There are also several uplifting threads in this (off topic) area.
Try to sleep well tonight!
One more thing, don't worry too much about a messy house. I know I try not to worry about mine. It'll get a good cleaning when I'm able!
RE: I'm here - CRABBY - 08-30-2007 11:06 PM
I promise I will try to get into see internist in the morning, if not I will go to the E.R. and see what can be done...I do not want to stay in the hospital tho..because of my animals...I really do not have anyone that can care for them....I have 2 dogs (1 ridgeback/boxer named Hekaya) her name means "miricle" in swahelee...her foster mom named her...and Theo (ridgeback/lab) who is 5 years old and his family just didn't want him anymore after 3 1/2 years so I picked him up from them they lived in Indianapolis....and 10 cats my husband and I took in strays and had them all fixed (they are named after the 3 stooges and Marx brothers) and some traditional names....I love them dearly (thismight some silly, but I think I love them more than some people I know)...it's the uncertainty of it all...your right one day ur up and the next ur sooooodown...I told Jayne in a email that this evening I went and sat by Lake Michigan at a marina Jim and I had our boat at ....I thought it would be settling but I just sobbed harder and fell deeper into depression (I didn't think I could fall any farther) I will listen to your words and I will do my best to overcome this....thank you for having such genuine caring and heartfelt suggestions for me...I promise I will try that's all I can do....I know I don't have much to offer in the advise field,but it is nice to hear all of your replys to all that need it....
RE: I'm here - monster - 08-30-2007 11:17 PM
You poor thing. I have travelled at least part of your raod with the depression and know it is not a fun ride. I finally found something that puklled me out of it although I do backslide occasionally. Please listen to what Red has said, she knows her stuff and says things in a way I never could. If you feel up to it and it won't make you worse do you feel as though you could tell us about your injuries and what happened? Sometimes it helps to get it off your chest and there are those here that might be able to contribute suggestions about what may or may not help ease your pain. Of course we are not docs and can't cure your pain but we might be able to suggest things that make it a little less. Please seek help tomorrow. I believe a publicly funded hospital must see you regardless of your ins situation and as Red said will hopefully have programs to help with the medical bills.
Do you have a neighbor who could help with your wonderful dogs? I try to keep upbeat relationships with all mu neighbors...I help when they need it and although I haven't had to call on them I know they would help me if I needed it. Is that an opion for you? Please try and sleep tonight, I am at my worst when pain is bad and I have been unable to sleep for long periods. That is when I want to give up but with everyone's help here I refuse to go down that path.
Love and hugs,
RE: I'm here - CRABBY - 08-30-2007 11:18 PM
Red..I felt your hug believe me...bummerknees-the hospital is about 1/2 hr away...I can drive myself...my best friend lives 2 1/2 hours away...I have neighbors and aquaintences here...but that's all they are...they're good people, but I can't ask them to drop everything going on in their lives to help me....I'm originally from the s/side of Chicago and when we moved here for my husb and job..I was forced to leave all I knew and loved....so that is why I'm alone here.....My best friend just called and told me to try and go to the county health division and see if they will assist with my medicine's....I'll see....I'll keep you posted I promise...
RE: I'm here - monster - 08-30-2007 11:30 PM
I don't know if you have seen it but we are playing a game for a silly plant right now if you would like to join in I think it's title is something like "my turn for a game as promised." We all get rather silly and some of the threads in this section will bring a much needed smile to your face and some will make you downright cry from laughing so hard.
RE: I'm here - CRABBY - 08-30-2007 11:33 PM
I was injured while at work, I worked for the police, I was asked by fellow officer to come in on my day off and help with a boy scout tour, in case he got a call, he could respond and I could take over..I was in the station downstairs collecting items to pass out to the kids...another officer came down and asked for something and I proceeded up the stairs behind him with my arms full and in full dress uniform, when I tripped and fell into the stairs injuring my neck and right arm/shoulder...My Chiefs input to workmans comp is questionable at this time...I have been denied WC claims and had to use my grp ins to get MRI for cervical....it was found a buldging disc which causes numbness in my right arm from neck to thumb...and a week after that I lost my job....I was given 4 wks of PT by surgeon, and they both agreed that I also have a partial tear in rotator cuff, I can't raise my right arm up even level with my neck...and the numbness comes and goes...now the lawyer is stating that my witness the officer I was behind did not give a favorable statement...I'm like "what could he possible say negative...he had gone around the corner already and stepped back and looked at me lying on the stairs and asked if I was alright? there is nothing else he could possibly say not unless he is lying for the Chief I dont know...what gets me is this....I was told to write my own report, (this is unheard of ) if I really wanted to screw them over I could have...but I was honest in my answer and this is the THANKS i get...and my lawyer is a stooge...he doesn't seem to have the inclination to fight for me (I thought that was his job) here I am blabbing on again...anyway I have not been able to get any further medical attention and I'm hurting (not as bad as you all, but nonetheless hurting) I don't even have any pain killers to help....it sucks
RE: I'm here - monster - 08-31-2007 12:02 AM
Pain is a subjective thing and yours hurts just as much as ours. Some of us hurt in more places but not necessarily more or less than anyone else. I can no longer take pain medications so I know what you are going through there as well. There are pharmaceutical companies which have programs to help people who cannot pay for meds. I'm not sure if there has ever been a list put together here but I do know there are programs in place. Hopefully one of our wonderful family members has more info and can help in that area...maybe get you going in the right direction. Or maybe if you talk to your pharmacist they might be able to head you in the right direction. I feel a lot like you do when my pain levels are up and I can't sleep...depressed, feelings of uselessness, anger, sadness, the whole gambut. Please come here especially when you feel like that. We are good at sympathizing as well as taking your mind off of it at times.
You need to get on your attorneys butt or even find another attorney who will better help you not himself. If you decide you would like a new attorney don't fire yours until you find another. If you wait to long like I did no one else may take your case, so if this is an option for you don't wait forever. I can't think of anything else for now. Please keep coming here as you now have a rather large online family We would miss you and worry if you stayed away