of no pain for a day or even an hour? of nobody playing with your emotions for a day? of not having any responsabilitys for just one day? yeah right and then you remember you are the responsiable one the one your kids,spouse,church,family,neighbors,parents depend on to be right there when they need you.....I am so tired I could just scream...every nerve in my body is screaming I hurt in places most people dont even know they have....and all I want to do is get away for a day.....My Daddy is dying slowly right before my eyes my mother cant watch it and went bonkers she is now in 6 west at sparks heavly medicated......My husband who has been a complete rock is doing night duty for me tonight so I can take some pain meds and sleep and my kids are even taking their turn feeding and lotioning their grandpa..watching him while I run to the bathroom or just a walk.....I listen for every breath he takes.....I am scared spitless.....I am so honored to be his daughter.......I tell him hourly I love him and he says I know you do buddy I love you too.....this is a long process this dying by inches......I ache for it to be over and yet dont want him to go.....I am selfish I want him around forever and yet I dont want him to hurt.....funny how this dying brings out the best and worst in people...my brothers and sisters cant watch just call em when its over...my Mother had some dementia and this took her completly over the edge.....and yet my 7 year old patiently feeds him and puts lotion on his poor bald head......My 9 and 11 year olds take their turns watching and helping us turn him rubbing his feet My Becca sweet talks him into taking his meds and Bill steadies him as he walks him to the toilet or shower.....what makes some able to watch and love and others turn away?I am so proud of my honey and kids they are so loving.... my church has been here and sent meals and offered to sit with him so we can take a break....Sweets calls me every day at least once MJC and Red take time out of their busy day to just call and let me know I am loved and thought about.......I am so blessed to have this place to go to.....you all pray for strength for me and my family.....
Still in limbo my heart hurts for you I know you have walked before me in this and have tried to guide me in this fight and now your Momma needs you......I dont look forward to the holidays this year my eyes and heart long for spring.....new growth gardens flowers healing....
Jayne your post is filled with much love, your family is blessed to have you.
Strength, love, comfort, peace and prayers. You are teaching your children unconditional love and they will be blessed for it. I wish I could help you, hold you, comfort you beyond just words.
Remember me with joy and laughter not with sorrow nor tears. If you cannot remember me with joy and laughter it would be better if you did not remember me at all.
To the arms of our Father
by Joan E Santos
To the arms of our Father
I send my love.
To His loving embrace,
From the pain of this place.
My heart will weep,
From the loss of my son.
But in the arms of our Saviour,
He will know only love.
May our Lord bless him and keep him,
As from this place he goes.
In the arms of our Saviour,
He rests now, find peace.
(I've written poetry for years, this one has always been my favorite. I wrote it for a friend of mine about 15 years ago when she lost her husband. It's been given out many times, I now give it to you)
beautiful post jayne, you are doing a wonderful thing for your daddy and also for your kids by showing them to have compassion for others. i pray for you daily.
You arre such a strong lady Jayne. I wish I had even half your strength. Your family is SO lucky to have you. I don't know how to express my feelings well right now but I can hear the love in your words and I know that your dear daddy hears it too. May God wrap you both in his loving arms as you walk this last road together. I can't imagine the toll this must be taking on you. You're in my prayers sweetie as is your father.
Love,
monster
Jayne...I have no words but do understand yours. Prayers are with you and your family.
Keep your strength up girl, take a break when you can, you can't do it all. The best thing you can do is be there for your Dad, but if you let yourself become too worn down it is harder on you and your family. When my Mom passed it was left up to me and my sister to take care of her, it was very wearing and some days I didn't know how I was going to go on without her. It has been 6 years on the 17th and I am still glad I was there for her in her final moments. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier over time.
Jayne- my heart goes out to you and your family, I walked in you shoes with both my parents and it is very hard to let them go, but when there gone you will be able to know that you did all you could. Try to rest when you can. Know I am here if you need me.
Jayne Dear, I know Your Pain,and My Heart Aches for You. Yes I did Walk this Path with Ellen's Mom, We had Her here at Our Home and Helped Her Pass Over, and also with Her Father, watching Him Lose His Memory to Alzheimer's, and We had to put Him in a Home Because He would Sneak out of the House at Night, and I wasn't Physically able to handle Him when He would get Angry and Aggressive when He got too Confused!! I have Tears in My eyes while Writing this, as I know Your Pain!! Why can Some stay, and why do Some have to Distance Themselves from a Situation such as This, I Really don't know, maybe Some can't Cope with Death, it May Scare Them to See, or They just may not have the Emotional Mechanisms it takes to be a Provider when Things are this Bad. Don't Hate Them for it, I didn't, I just Felt Honored that I could be There to Help with Their Passing, and I have no Guilt in My Life for not being There, which Others May have to Deal with, but that's Their Choice!! You are a Strong Girl, what You are doing is Pure Hell for You, but a Godsend for Your Daddy, in a Way You May Never know!! They took Care of Us when We were Young, and it's Our Duty to Take Care of Them when they Age, that's the Way I See it!! Mom's Surgery Went Well, I was at the Hospital for 14 Hours Yesterday, and Dad Stayed with Mom Last Night, and I'm Heading Up to Watch the Game at the Hospital with Them Today!! It was a Low Grade cancer that the Dr Think He got All of, but She has a Drain in Her Leg, and Metal Clips also in Case She May need Radiation, which the Dr. Thinks She won't, and Hopefully She'll be Home in a Few Days, and then Ellen will Take Care of Her Dressings. Stay Strong Girl, You'll be Fine, and Your Daddy knows how Much You and Your Family Love Him, and that's All That Matters Right Now!!!