Let's see where do I start, I get up last Monday, and was having coffee with my husband and the first thing he says is , "I Want A Divorce"My Heart Stopped. Now You Know recently he got layed off his job,my daughters tell me that he is going thru a midlife crisis, Well my daughters told him that we need to have a family meeting so we did last wednesday,after a lot of crying and talking we decided on a separation for 3 months, he moved out last thursday, took everything that was his.Now he left me with both my 13 year old autistic son, my 17 year old daughter who is getting ready to graduate.I can't do anything till she graduates, But cannot afford to live in this house till June but will manage.I found out he had already paid his laywer 1500 dollars and was getting ready to serve me papers but told his laywer to hold off for now. He got a job about 200 miles from here.He starts week after next.He paid the electric bill before he left and handed me 100 dollars.Lots of advice from some of you that have gone thru this would be great.the same day my sisters house burned down and they lost everything.Hope you all have lots of suggestions cause right now I am numb. I can't eat, sleep or think.Thanks Halftrak
Halftrak my heart goes out to you. How is your son doing? Our autistic children do not do well with transition.
I once was in a similar situation but have little advice other then resources.
Halftrak, the emotional stress of him loosing his job probably has a lot to do with this!
He has told his attorney to hold off on things!
Right now the support of your friends and family means everything!
I believe you are on SSD, you now need to apply for SSI as the household income has changed. Is your son receiving SSI, if not you need to apply for him.
You can also apply for food stamps and other programs thru the state. Many churchs have food pantrys available, and do not forget United Way!
Now if I can help you find resources please let me know.
Bummer Knees
private message sent....listen to Bummer you hear!
I know guys, but don't know if I qualify for any help such as food stamps, etc. Gonna try to get my 17 year old on sooner care though.I appreciate all your good thoughts and for caring, I love you guys, you have been life savers many times for me and many more. Love Halftrak
hi halftrack.
Unfortunately , I have no words of wisdom or experience for you....but my heart does pour out for you. I will keep you, hubby, and family in my prayers to get this resolved. I too agree that losing his job has something to do with his sudden change of heart and actions. Let him have his space for a while....in the meantime, schedule marriage counciling for the two of you...if he refuses to go.....attend without him.
Possibly your closest clergy can assist too.
Prayers going up for you NOW! Lilly
Halftrak, My Heart goes Out to You during this Difficult Time! Your Kids are Number One, as I know You are Aware, they are going to have a Rough Time with this. I can Only Speak from the Male Point of View, and I made Many Mistakes in My Life, and almost Lost My Family with the Mistakes I Made. I wish I could come Up with the Exact Words to Make You feel Better, but all I can do is Give You My Support, and let You know I'm Only PM Away. My Problem was what I Guess could be Considered a Mid-Life Crisis, and also the Problem of a Fifth of Vodka a Day! I was a Horrible Person at that Time, and thought only Me, Me, Me, and felt I had Lost Out on So Much by being Married so Soon, and having to Raise Children, and Work so Hard, and how Much of Life had Passed Me By. What an A**hole and Small Minded Idiot I was!!! Life hadn't Passed Me By, I wasn't Paying Attention to it While it was Happening!! Not Only until I found Myself alone, with No One to Come Home to, and No One to Care and Love, did I Realize how Stupid I was, and how Small Minded I had been!! My Daughter, Bless Her Soul told me that even though She was Very Angry and Hurt by what I was doing, I was Her Dad, and She still Loved Me, no Matter What!! Thank God My Wife found it in Her Heart to Forgive Me and Have Me Back, and I Spend Every Day to this Day, trying to Make Up for what I had Done!! I don't know if this will Help, but it's just a Perspective from the Man's Point of View, at the Time I thought I was so Correct, and I couldn't have been any More Wrong. It's Really Hard for Me to Talk about this, I still Carry a Lot of Shame, I Hope it can Help You in some Small Way!
Thank You, for all your thought and well wishes, right now I am hurting and very sad, I don't know if I should be mad, my kids are number 1 right now, it's just that we have been married for 27 years. and you just don't do that to someone.It just came out of nowhere. The crappy thing is I had no idea only just a few days before this guy that we both used to work with came up to me and said sorry about you and john breaking up, I had no idea what he was talking about.So He had told some other people before he told me.My 17 year old right now doesn't even want to talk to him, and she is graduating in a couple of months from high school.
I too am so sorry to hear, life sure does have its bumpy roads. I once was on that path, more confused then ever but my wife gave me space and waited. And yes I admit I was the dumb one was before my son was born couldnt grasp being tied down with low income. But in the end I think it made us stronger knowing what we both had to offer each other, Bless her heart I dont know what I would do without her and my son. Anybody can give advice as you know, I have none other then what the others have said but hang in there. Your daughter is graduating it's A big deal to her I would be proud. Hope it all works out for you's.
Halftrack, I have been where you are, and that is why I'am still single. I had the support of my family(sister) How close are you with your sister, could she come for awhile and stay with you? At least you could console each other and you and her would have someone to talk to.
Everyone that go's through a seperation or divorce feels the way you do now. It is a tough thing to go through. i will PM you my #number and feel free to call me at any time. I have strong shoulders........... Tuffy
Halftrak...everyone else is giving you emotional support...I want to to that also, but my first concern is to encourage you to:
1. obtain a lawyer..get your child support started right away,
2. start making of list of all your material things that the marriage has built together, 3. change your bank accounts to assure that your husband can not touch your SSDI checks through a joined account.
4. Change the locks on your doors so that nothing disappears while you are gone.
5. If he has the keys to your car, ask for them back.
6. Develop a list of your expenses that he has always paid for.
7. Develop your a list of your medical insurance needs that he pays for ...for you and the kids. Understand the cost of these insurances.
8. Write out all your debts against your income. Know who is going to pay for what.
The above sounds so cold and so final and I am sorry. It is given with love and understanding. This was a real blow to you so you are not able to protect yourself and the kids. THe above will help you somewhat. Please contact a lawyer as soon as possible. It never hurt to just know where you stand and what you can or can not expect so that you can start planning if your husband continues through with this divorce. Take care of YOU ok... I am so sorry...you can call me any time also. Love Red