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First off I would like to say this is mostly my fault by the way my daughter was raised. 16 yrs. old and pregnant I forced her to finish school so that she would have a diploma. I worked hard at it as much as she did staying /keeping her in school. She got her diploma and the baby was born. Little Aaliyah. I was her coach as her bf was not in the picture at the time. She is now 6 yrs. old. 3-4 yrs. later my husband and I wanted to take my daughter and granddaughter to live with us in Ohio as he had to work there for 2 yrs.

2 1/2 yrs. later, she gets pregnant as we are on our way back home to NH. Pregnant by her married boss at work who had a family etc. She wanted to stay in ohio and got an apartment. My husband talked her out of it to come back home to us after she got the apartment and moved all in. It lasted all but 3 days in that apartment. She came home, worked , kids went to daycare etc. Little Isaac was born and I was her coach for him also as the daddy has not been in the picture since the day he was born till now.

My daughter has always had it rough with money by working at penneys and we decided to put her through the MA course. Which we spent close to 12,000.00. SHe just finished a few months ago and claims no matter how hard she looks, puts resumes, no one wants her. She is now doing nanny work for a woman and makes pretty good money but no benefits which her father and I stress very much.

Now she is quitting the nanny job, going to work for penneys again this week at night, move the kids out of the schools they have been going to for 6 yrs to be closer to an apartment she lives in now far away with a new bf. It takes about a hour to drive each morning to work/school.

Last night my husband got my two daughter, their partners and the grandkids to go take me to Olive Garden to celebrate my bday that just passed.My oldest brought a cake and my youngest said she had something in the car for me. Anyways, this is my point. At dinner we were all sitting there enjoying our dinner. Had almost finished our dinner and someone brought up the subject of the kids being pulled out of their school of 6 yrs. My daughter freeked out, stood up and told all of them "let's go". The two grandkids whom I pretty much raised since they were born and her new boyfriend. That left me with my tongue hanging out like " what the H just happened?". There plates were still full of food. Wasted good seafood pasta meals,and now my bday gathering was ruined. The cake was still in the middle of the table.

Now here the waitress comes asking me if we are having the cake when they come back. They were not coming back. They were gone. Left me with a look on my face like how could this daughter that I have done everything for humiliate me on my bday celebration? I could not continue to have the cake at that point. I got up and left crying of embarrassment and drove myself back home. Everyone looking as half the table left in a hurry and my oldest that brought the cake was embarrassed and upset at how my daughter has always treated me and now to do this.

Her father and I bought her a car years ago to bring these kids back n forth to school. Gave her a gas card just recently because she was using the excuse she could not bring the kids to school because she had no gas. I have bought clothes for these kids to keep them dressed as their fathers have nothing to do with them. The state pretty much said she made to much money when she got this nanny job that she gets no more pay for school so we now pay over 150.00 a week for daycare to make sure they are in school because we found she was not sending them due to oweing the school money.

I was so upset when I got home, I shut off her AOL account. I am now thinking of shutting off her phone also as I made sure she was on my plan so that if her car broke down that her and the kids could call for help. I have given to much to someone that dis-respects me. I have wrote all this to get it off my shoulders, but also wrote all this in hopes that if someone reads this. what they would do to a daughter that is so unappreciative. If anyone has any word of advice on what should be done I would love to hear it. I am right now going to just lay back, give no more money, shut off her phone and let her grow up and take responsibility on her own now. She claims her and her new BF know what they are doing even though she sleeps late every morning and the kids miss school due to her lazy A%%. I am very uspet right now as you can tell, but would like other suggestions of what to do. If there is anything ...... I am at a loss and very heartbroken that this happened to me, the one who has always been there for her. I am throwing in the towel and unfortunatly I will miss my two grandkids whom I love dearly and know will be affected by all this.
Sparkey,I swear you are talking about my daughter, believe me you are not alone,You need to pm me and we can compare our daughters,I think my biggest mistake I made with my daughter was to spoil her rotten,When I was a kid we were very poor, so I promised myself that if I ever had kids, they would never have to worry about food, money, a nice car etc.Their dad and I provided all the luxeries that most kids get these days.Biggest mistake a parent can make,Now I am trying to do it all different with my youngest daughter,and she is so different than her older sisters it is unreal,I still love all my kids, but do wish I had raised the older ones differently,I understand how you needed to vent and I feel for you, I can say this that I haven't ever met a perfect parent or a perfect child, hang in there ok,halftrak
First, quit beatting yourself up. Second, I believe tough love is in order here, and it sounds as if you are headed in the right direction.

If your grandchildren are neglected or abused, take her to court for coustody.

I have a 17 yr old that is spoiled rotton. Hubby gave her a 2003 double cab GMC truck earlier this year. SHe has a laptop, her onw phone, bedroom.

I am more the conservative one and think it is good for one to do without.

Bummer Knees
Oh Sparky, what an emotional roller coaster you are on....and your daughter has left you to ride it alone. I don't have any kids first off...so i really am no real advise giver on children or wise mom words to share...but seems to me that if your daughter is making unwise adult decisions (pregancies, money problems, adult tantrums and non appreciate of her mom & dad's help)...let her take responsibility for her own actions...without you & hubbies intervention. let her see what the real world is like and where her poor decisions get her in life. No where.
I have a neice who wanted for absolutely nothing...she was so disrepectful of her mom and dad. Terrible to her mother especially. Why? No one ever knew or figured out. She had the best schools, top of the line clothing, great home, vacations to foregin places every 3 months, plenty of the best food....but somehow it was never enough. Come to find out , what she actually needed was space...on her own, and to learn the hard way. I know her folks still helped her financially....but not every one is capable of that. She worked to afford her own appartment & shared 1/2 expenses with a roomie...would get herself into her own predicaments without mom or dad being able to be blamed...and after a year or so, she started making better & better decisions. So, my point here , is maybe your daughter needs her space...obviously she wants it, or she wouldn't have stomped out on your birthday....so give her what she wants. You can always be there for her if she calls for help or direction...but possibly what she needs is her own set of reins....and to feel "in control"
I surely hope that your family problem solves itself....You as her parents have guided her to do the right things...only SHE can carry them through!
By the way.....go back to Olive Garden without her...and you & hubby enjoy the meal and take a cake and celebrate yourselves. You guys are entitled and deserve to enjoy a happy meal together too!
All my prayers for you , Hubby, your daughter and her children! xoxoxo LillySmile
Sparky My heart goes out to you.....I like the rest feel we raised a generation of spoiled rotton kids...I can tell the difference in my 3 sets of kids...first 2 we had no money but lots of time...these 2 kids turned out great 2nd 2 we went overboard spoiling them and they arent worth chit the last 4 we went back to giving less material things(again we have more time than money) and we got good kids not perfect but hard workers.....If we give them everything they have no reason to work for what they want.....As for the grands dont wait to long their little lives can be stolen in a second....Will ad your grands to my prayer list......let us know if you need anything even a shoulder to cry on we are here
Oh Sparkey....I'm so sorry this is all happening. I think one of the worst things a parent is go through is problems with their children. You have done all you can do and more. I't s time to close your wallet and put it away. I know it will be very hard not seeing your grandchildren as often but you could always have that court ordered since you and hubby have taken care of them for so long. I would shut everything off that's in your name and anything else you pay for. Our generation in trying to give our kids more than maybe we had ahve spoiled them as Jayne has said. My oldest was talking to all of her sister-in-laws one day and that was the conversation. Buying the kids this and that. My daughter said " we had nothing growing up but we had my mom and she loved us" I wa sso proud that she felt this way. Love is always there , but the materialistic crap take away and let her and the new BF figure it out. Then if she wants to come home again make some ground rules. I know you're hurt and angry but we're all here for you.

CAP
nooooooooooooooo you never let them move back in....geez do you know humans are the only species that lets their young stay around?Can take guardianship of grands till Momma gets her act together but doing it all for her is what made her what she is today
I have a Daughter that Broke My Heart also, and is Driving a Truck Daddy Bought, a Phone Daddy Pays for, and Insurance Daddy Covers. My Opinion Only, the Most Important thing is the Grand Kids, and if You shut Off the Money and the Phone, they will Miss School Again, and Complicate an Already bad Situation. My Opinion Only: If You think the Children aren't being Treated Correctly, get Family Services Involved, and if they Pull the Children let them know You will Take them. Let Your Daughter know that the Gas Card is Gone, and if any Monies need Paid to the School She is taking them Out of is Her Responsibility, and the Phone will be on For Safety Reasons Only, and Tell Her not to Bother You unless it's an Emergency!! And also Make it Clear to Her that if the Kids are too Much Trouble for Her to Bring them to You, and You will take the Necessary Steps to have Custody of them. I was told this when I Was about 19, from a 65 Year Old Man I Worked with and it has come True Many Times: "When Children are Young they Step on Your Toes, when they Grow Up, they Step on Your Heart!!" I Honestly think You May have a Daughter with a Substance Abuse Problem from the Way You are Typing She is Acting, and that and Children don't Mix!! Just Remember that even though You May want to Teach Your Daughter for such Bad Behavior and Bad Decisions, You have to Remember not to Make it Harder for the Children by doing so, they can't be Held Responsible for Their Mom's Actions!!My Best to You, and I know Your Decision will be a Wise One!!Wink
Thank you all for your replies. This makes me at least feel I am not alone. Everything I read is so true except the part of the substance abuse. My daughter even till this day does not even take a tylenol pill if ill. She had a order of percocet that the doctor gave her for strep throat and that was about a month ago and it sat on the counter without one pill even taken from the bottle.

I know she does drink every now and then, but think it is a casual drink. She does not have money because she has been soaking it all into the new apartment her and her bf are now sharing and also paying for the utilities, food etc. I know she does not have money because of all this and the little pay her and her bf make. I am not saying she is a perfect child cause by gosh she is a " disrespectful " child and feel I have raised a monster.

I have thought many times of getting custody of these kids because I feel the language she uses, the verbal abuse etc. has broke my heart and I do not know how many times I have talked to her about this. I think she needs to grow up and take some responsibility for her kids and herself. I think now that I have let go of doing anything else for her from here on out will hopefully make her remember all the good things a mom can teach a daughter and let that run through her head while she makes her daily decisions. All the things I have done for her will hopefully sink in and I hope she knows what she really did to my heart last night. Somehow I have a feeling she could care less as many times I do not believe she has a heart from all she has done to me.

Thank you all again for making me feel much better.

Sparkey: )
I really don't have any advice sweetie but I would like to say that this entire generation that's coming up seems to expect their parents to give them everything they want or need. For some reason they seem to think that everyone owes them something.

You did your best to help your daughter when she needed it and you did it out of love. Please don't beat yourself up. She is an adult now and needs to learn that their are consequences for every action, whether they be good or bad.

I am so upset to know your celebration was ruined. You're in my prayers sweetie and I hope you can relax and destress today.

hugs,
monster
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