Squirrel Loving Moron Displaces Dozens, Gives Firefighter Broken Toe

The fire was intense. Multiple apartments were burned or water damaged. Dozens of people were displaced from their homes, and a firefighter broke a toe while fighting the blaze. Investigators say the fire destroyed a Holland Township, Michigan apartment building Wednesday afternoon.

And the cause? A man with a propane torch in a third floor apartment was attempting to burn the fur off a squirrel because he wanted to eat it.

According to the Fire Chief, Jim Kohsel “the resident apparently planned to eat the animal and was burning off its fur on a third-floor deck at the building in Ottawa County’s Holland Township when the fire broke out Wednesday”. Apparently eight apartments were destroyed and others were damaged.

The resident‘s name wasn’t immediately released. He should be thankful for that, I would think.

What an idiot. Everyone knows that squirrel is best served after being marinated, not fur burned. That guy clearly does not subscribe to Cooking Light, or he would have never done that to properly prepare this month’s featured dish, Squirrel Fricassee. Personally I liked that better than last month’s feature, Rodent Pasta Al Dente.

Of course, we had a firefighter injured as a result of this moron’s activities. Imagine having to fill out that First Report of Injury. Cause of Accident: Slipped on burning squirrel. That’s got to hurt more than the toe itself.

It just goes to show that burning the fur off a squirrel is something that should be left to the professionals. Not to do so endangers your neighbors, your public servants, and is, quite frankly, just a bit squirrelly.