Interview Tip: Leave the Child Molestation Out of Your Highway Patrol Job Interview

Warning: This post contains mature, adult themed content, even if it is handled in an immature and infantile manner. You have been warned.

Honesty, it turns out, may not always be the best policy, particularly if you are a child molester who desires a job in law enforcement.

A Missouri man being interviewed for a position with that states Highway Patrol seemingly torpedoed his chances of gainful employment by admitting in the interview to sexually inappropriate behavior with a child.

The problem it seems was that his job chances weren't the only thing he'd torpedoed.

When asked by the Sergeant conducting the interview if he had ever committed a sexual act that could be prosecuted as a crime,  26 year old Christopher Stringham allegedly admitted to "inappropriately touching" a child multiple times. In what only he could have thought was some sort of defense for his behavior, he claimed that every time this inappropriate touching occurred was by accident. He was ultimately arrested and charged with 20 counts of first-degree sexual statutory sodomy.

That means that he allegedly fell into a child's rectum. 20 times. By accident. Oops.

To be fair to him, Missouri's statutory description of "deviant sexual intercourse" is by today’s standards fairly broad, so it is possible that the most rudimentary definition of sodomy does not apply here. Still, given that a child was the purported victim, the allegations would indicate, if guilty, he is one sick little puppy. Even if it was all "by accident".

And thankfully he was not bright enough to lie his way into a position with law enforcement.

At this point, this article completely leaves the rails, and that is solely due to the research I had to conduct to complete it.

I had to investigate Missouri law to make sure my definition of sodomy was not too far from the legal definition for what this man had been charged with. After all, while I have never claimed to be a stickler for accuracy, I should have some shred of legitimacy, if I am to continue to keep my phony baloney job.  The legal information I referenced above came from a group called the "Alliance of Sodomy Supporters". Yes, that is apparently a real group, and it is all the more interesting when you realize their acronym is "ASS".

Now, I live a typical Republican "white bread" lifestyle, and had no idea until now that there was such a thing as the "Alliance of Sodomy Supporters" (ASS). Really. I didn't know. Bad enough I now have to explain their website, www.sodomy.org, in my browser cache.

The following is just speculation, of course, as I know very little about these ASS people. I suppose their slogan would be “We Got Your Back”.  I do not know if they have weekly meetings, or if they would serve finger food at those events. Is their official song “I Like Big Butts”? It seems as if ASS would be the type of organization where people would always be talking behind your back. I can't even imagine what ASS would do at their annual conference. No matter what hotel it is held at, I'm pretty sure they'd use the back door. And of course, the facility would have to accommodate parking in the rear.

Their website is very plain, without a fancy user interface. That leads me to believe that their tech people are mostly back end guys.

It must be noted from their website that ASS clearly does not advocate or support any sexual activity with minors, so they probably won't be giving any money to Mr. Stringham's legal defense fund.

You know you are in trouble when even the Alliance of Sodomy Supporters doesn't have your back.